LAUGH LINES

In Your Face: “Isn’t this whole thing with Clinton like a big messy divorce? . . . We’re arguing over who gets the furniture, which one’s going to take the cat, how much is the rent on the new place. . . . I mean, Clinton’s like our national ex-wife. . . . He won’t go away.” (Jay Leno)

One Man to Another: “Martin Sheen, who plays the president on ‘The West Wing,’ said in a recent interview that he thinks President Bush is a ‘moron.’ That’s what he said. . . . And after hearing this, President Bush got really upset and said, ‘Hey, that is classified information.’ ” (Conan O’Brien)

Down and Out: “Whistle-blower Linda Tripp did a round of interviews on CNN . . . and she complained that since losing her job, she has had no medical benefits, no pension and she’s in the process of declaring financial bankruptcy. . . . [However,] she’s been morally bankrupt for years.” (Ira Lawson)

Let the Games Begin: “At the annual toy fair in New York, Mattel unveiled a board game version of ‘Survivor 2: The Australian Outback.’ . . . Now you can engage in fierce, unhealthy competition with your closest friends and end up hating every one of them--without ever leaving home!” (Daily Scoop)

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