From your experience, what’s the marriage survival rate for infidelity?

EVANGELIST GRAYLON A. FREEMAN

Church of Christ, Cypress

The marriage survival rate for infidelity across the board is very low. Marriage at its best is a fragile undertaking. It is a relationship that is built upon trust and commitment, a concern and a devotion that is to be life-lasting. The vows of a marriage--to honor one above all others--is not just made between a man and a woman, but it is also a covenant made with God.

We have evolved into a culture and overall society that seemingly tosses the values of commitment in marriage to the side. And we are more prone to follow our emotions than anything else. When couples set themselves up for failure and temptations, that’s usually what happens. We fail. Thank God not all marriages are susceptible to this type of trauma. For there are marriages that are built on the firm foundation of the Lord and his church, and if Satan does overcome one of the individuals in a marriage with infidelity, then faith and trust and forgiveness in the Lord can overcome a world of hurt and pain.

FATHER MIKE HEHER

St. Irenaeus Church, Cypress

I am not now nor have I ever been married, but I’ll offer this: With or without infidelity, a relationship cannot be something one hopes merely will survive. Without all your passion and commitment, without taking risks and growing and letting your spouse take risks and grow, and without a solid conviction, this community of love and trust, under all circumstances, will not thrive. The problem is not that we expect too much from marriage but that we have come to hope for too little.

RICHARD A. FULLER

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

It is my opinion that the marriage vows are, in part, based on trust, with fidelity being the ultimate cornerstone of trust. I feel that couples with children have a better chance of survival, due to the responsibility imposed by parenthood. It is my opinion that a marriage would always be affected by infidelity, as distrust and suspicion would always exist in some form or another.

SENIOR PASTOR DAVID J. MITCHELL

Calvary Church of Santa Ana

The discovery and pain from infidelity in marriage is one of the most severe kinds of pain to endure. When the pain is fresh, the initial reaction may range from remorse and failure to betrayal. It feels like grief for many because something has died. However, I have personally worked with those who have succeeded, including one man who disclosed to his wife 10 affairs he had that she never knew about. They did divorce, but, joyfully, I remarried them two years later. How did they and others survive, recover and find victory? Without oversimplifying this, here are four of the ingredients that helped couples I know recover from this pain.

1. Renewing their commitment to their savior Jesus Christ to find forgiveness, internal healing and peace that only he can provide. They joined a community of like-minded people who then encouraged growth with Jesus and his teachings as the foundation.

2. Counseling from mature people who believe in recovering broken marriages and do not buy into the philosophy of doing only that which makes you happy now. They learned how to pursue deeper and long-lasting joy, peace, inner satisfaction and communication in recovering from the pain. Also, they resolved long-standing issues from the past that were never appropriately addressed. Those issues undermined their communication and love.

3. Learning how to love in a way that makes each other feel or experience love. Too many times we love someone how we want to do it, but our spouse does not feel loved. Learn the love language that really speaks to our spouse.

4. Learning to relate in a new, deeper kind of love. The love relationship has permanently changed. Those I know who have dealt with infidelity tell me they love each other differently and more deeply because of the infidelity. They would never want to experience that pain again, but out of the pain, they found a new kind of renewed love for each other.

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