LAUGH LINES

Say Cheese: “Protocol required that both Bill Clinton and Al Gore be there for George W. Bush’s swearing-in. Did you see Gore smiling at Bush? I think the only thing more phony was when Hillary was smiling at Bill.” (Jay Leno)

Vows of Deception: “In order to avoid being prosecuted for perjury, President Clinton acknowledged he didn’t always tell the truth under oath. Clinton said that the first time he misled anyone under oath was when he said ‘I do’ at his wedding.” (Conan O’Brien)

Silence for Sale: “Jesse Jackson has admitted to giving his former mistress $40,000 for ‘moving money.’ Actually, it was more like not moving money--as in not moving her lips.” (Phil Perrier)

In the Same Boat: “According to Time magazine, George Dubya and Bill Clinton really hit it off during their post-election meetings. They have lots in common: Both were Southern governors, both have had a checkered personal past--and both are going to have Hillary making their lives miserable the next four years.” (Daily Scoop)

For the Record: “Bill Clinton pardoned a lot of people [before leaving office, for example], his singer brother, Roger Clinton. Roger Clinton no longer has a police record [and] he was upset because that was as close to getting a record as he was ever going to get.” (Leno)

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