A Merry-Go-Round

Coming off a season that produced the league’s most depressing champion since, well, the 1999 ex-Los Angeles Rams, the NFL and its fans badly needed some time to chill and think pleasant thoughts, such as the possibility of a non-carpetbagger with a real quarterback on offense and no police warrants on defense winning the Super Bowl.

From the NFL perspective, off-seasons should always be so good. In the last 5 1/2 months, an upstart rival league has trashed and burned, leaving NFL basher Vince McMahon with nothing but scorched eyebrows. Al Davis’ lawsuit against the league went three-and-out in Los Angeles Superior Court. The Baltimore Ravens have not won a game since January.

There has never been a better time to be Paul Tagliabue.

From a fan perspective, even if you haven’t been paying close attention, you still won’t be surprised to learn that:

* Trent Dilfer, starting quarterback for the world champions, is unemployed. Yes, Brian Billick might have thought it a knee-slapping practical joke at the time, turning the Super Bowl into a Punt, No Pass and Kick competition, but even the Ravens’ coach realizes that was a one-off.

So Billick told Dilfer, “Thanks for the belly-dive handoffs,” and signed free-agent Elvis Grbac and sent Dilfer on his way. Dilfer has since been offered a few backup jobs, but, somewhat delusional, is holding out for a first-string assignment. The way Dilfer looks at it, he’s one of only 22 men who have quarterbacked a team to a Super Bowl victory.

And 21 of them would be better choices to run an NFL offense in 2001. Joe Willie Namath might not have the mobility he once had, but he can still throw a spiral.

* After failing to repeat as champions, the Rams are expected to have eight new starters on defense.

This, by and large, is being viewed as an upgrade. Anyone who watched the Rams last season knows they didn’t have any starters on defense--only 11 promising prospects for the XFL.

* Jerry Rice ran a down-and-out across the Bay Bridge and wound up in Oakland.

It was only a matter of time. Rice wants to play forever, preferably for a winner. San Francisco management, try as it might, couldn’t accommodate him on either.

* The Chargers, hoping to quick-fix their disastrous quarterback predicament, cut Ryan Leaf, passed on Michael Vick and brought in diminutive, 38-year-old veteran Doug Flutie.

Which, in pro football parlance, also is known as addition by subtraction and contraction.

These and other plot lines will get a workout as NFL training camps get underway during the next 10 days. A brief update:

AFC West

Denver Broncos

Plot line: Training camp or swap meet? “We have three 1,000-yard rushers--Terrell Davis, Olandis Gary, Mike Anderson. One has got to go! We have three quarterbacks who started in the NFL last year--Brian Griese, Gus Frerotte, Steve Beuerlein. One has got to go! Bengals, Steelers, Cowboys, Browns--make your best offer!”

Camp opens: July 26; University of North Colorado.

Kansas City Chiefs

Plot line: Dick Vermeil and Trent Green are reunited, just a few miles west of St. Louis, where, the last time we saw them together, Vermeil was weeping during a 1999 news conference to announce Green had blown out his knee and was lost for the season. Which opened the door for Kurt Warner. Which won Vermeil a Super Bowl. Which shows what Vermeil knows about quarterbacks.

Camp opens: July 27; University of Wisconsin River Falls.

Oakland Raiders

Plot line: Repeat after me, 49er fans (the especially distraught might want to clutch a photo of Kansas City Chief Joe Montana for spiritual guidance): Jerry Rice wears silver and black, Jerry Rice wears silver and black . . .

Camp opens: Saturday; Napa, Calif.

San Diego Chargers

Plot line: Old Buffalo Bills never die, they just migrate to San Diego. General Manager John Butler, personnel director A.J. Smith, quarterback Flutie, defensive end Marcellus Wiley, linebacker Sam Rogers--all Buffalo transplants. Can a soul-savaging, community-ravaging Super Bowl defeat be far behind?

Camp opens: July 26 (rookies Sunday); UC San Diego.

Seattle Seahawks

Plot line: Matt Hasselbeck takes his first snap as starting quarterback in the Seahawks’ first intrasquad scrimmage. Anyone have a radio tuned to the Mariner game? Ricky Watters and Shaun Alexander battle for the starting running back job. Ichiro get a hit yet? Rookie wide receiver Koren Robinson rips through the secondary, carrying Seahawk playoff hopes with every step. Piniella got anyone up in the bullpen yet?

Camp opens: July 29 (rookies July 27); Eastern Washington University.

AFC Central

Baltimore Ravens

Plot line: Grbac pulls on the red jersey last worn by Dilfer, drops into the pocket, cocks his arm . . . and what is that? The ball is rotating right to left, not end over end. It is spinning like a bullet, heading straight downfield, not into the sideline water cooler. Brian Billick is not flinching. No Raven assistant coach is ducking and covering. The ball spirals 60 yards before finally falling to earth untouched. Wide-eyed Raven receivers scurry to huddle around the ball, mouths agape.

Camp opens: July 29; Western Maryland College.

Cincinnati Bengals

Plot line: An impressive collection of wide receiver candidates lines up for the first passing drill, Peter Warrick followed by Darnay Scott followed by Chad Johnson followed by Danny Farmer. Coach Dick LeBeau blows his whistle, then slaps his forehead when it finally dawns on him: He forgot to invite a quarterback.

Camp opens: Friday; Georgetown College, Ky.

Cleveland Browns

Plot line: “Hello, men, my name is Butch Davis and I’m your new coach. At least until tomorrow, when I’m going back to Miami. Just kidding. Did you know that my given name is Butch? Not really. My given name is Geronimo. Just pulling your leg. In Miami, they call me Benedict Arnold. No lie. For our first drill today, we will be taking Tim Couch and moving him to linebacker. Hah! Made you blink! Now I know some of you are hoping I can find a way to improve on last year’s 3-13 record. You said that, I didn’t say that.”

Camp opens: July 27 (rookies July 23); Berea, Ohio.

Jacksonville Jaguars

Plot line: In the biggest upset in franchise history, Coach Tom Couglin has finally loosened his iron-handed grip and is actually allowing offensive coordinator Bob Petrino to call the plays this season. R. Jay Soward’s earplugs can now be forwarded to Canton.

Camp opens: July 26; Alltel Stadium, Jacksonville.

Pittsburgh Steelers

Plot line: Yes, Tommy Maddox, we are pleased to report there is life after winning the one and only championship in the history of the XFL. No, Tommy Maddox, we are sad to report it is nothing more than holding the clipboard while Kordell Stewart throws interceptions.

Camp opens: Today; St. Vincent College, Latrobe, Pa.

Tennessee Titans

Plot line: NFL experts are white-knuckle gripping in anticipation of the Titans’ unstoppable, unblockable defensive-end pairing of Kevin Carter and Jevon Kearse. Key camp question: What was Carter doing last season while his Ram defensive teammates were giving up 471 points? When he wasn’t sitting on the bench, I mean?

Camp opens: July 27 (rookies Wednesday); Baptist Sports Park, Nashville.

AFC East

Buffalo Bills

Plot line: New Coach Gregg Williams hands quarterback Rob Johnson a new playbook, replacing the one titled, “Me & My Shadow.” Flutie is now in San Diego where he is said to be helping mentor a young quarterback, much to Johnson’s surprise. Two-a-days begin with Johnson relearning how to throw without looking over his shoulder.

Camp opens: July 28 (rookies Wednesday); St. John Fisher College, Pittsford, N.Y.

Indianapolis Colts

Plot line: Coach Jim Mora gathers his team in the film room for a study of the Raven defense, to show his players how it’s done. Later, the team gathers Mora in the film room for a study of the 1958 Colts winning a playoff game, to show him how it’s done.

Camp opens: July 26; Rose-Hulman Institute, Terre Haute, Ind.

Miami Dolphins

Plot line: You are Jay Fiedler, much-maligned Dolphin quarterback. You arrive at camp, where you are greeted by Ray Lucas, not Brad Johnson, and Josh Heupel, instead of Drew Brees, and Mike Quinn, who is no Michael Vick. You inhale deeply, breathing in the sweet aroma of freshly cut grass. You decide life is good.

Camp opens: Tuesday; Nova University, Davie, Fla.

New England Patriots

Plot line: Patriot coaches work up an in-depth statistical breakdown for quarterback Drew Bledsoe. Number of times Bledsoe was sacked in 2000 season: 45. Numbers in Bledsoe’s new contract extension: $103 million. Number of quality running backs in camp to lessen Bledsoe’s load: Zero. Projected compensation for Bledsoe per 2001 nosebleed: $2.3 million.

Camp opens: July 26 (rookies Monday); Bryant College, Smithfield, R.I.

New York Jets

Plot line: Rookie wide receiver Santana Moss, generously listed at 5 feet 10, teams with veteran wide receiver Wayne Chrebet, generously listed at 5 feet 10. New Coach Herman Edwards moves forward with his bold plan to flood the defensive zone with wide receivers small enough to catch Vinny Testaverde’s passes before the short-hop.

Camp opens: July 28; Hofstra University.

NFC West

Atlanta Falcons

Plot line: For the next six weeks, the Falcons have excitement captured in a bottle: Michael Vick, the top pick in the draft, the so-called “Michael Jordan of quarterbacks,” signed and in camp and ready to run and pass his way into the long-trampled hearts of Falcon faithful. Then, the regular season opens with Chris Chandler in the starting lineup.

Camp opened: Wednesday; Furman University.

Carolina Panthers

Plot line: Who’s that old guy taking snaps over there? Not Steve Beuerlein--he was a victim of the so-called Carolina youth movement. Not Jeff Lewis--he’s only been in the league five years, he just turned 28. Hint: The oldest quarterback in camp is the rookie, the kid, the probable starter in Week 1. Yep, Chris Weinke.

Camp opens: Wednesday (rookies Sunday); Wofford College, Spartanburg, S.C.

New Orleans Saints

Plot line: Lots of important decisions, real or otherwise, hanging over the heads of the Saints this summer. Jeff Blake or Aaron Brooks? Ricky Williams or Deuce McAllister? New Orleans or Los Angeles? The wind sprints, and the hot air, begin next week.

Camp opens: July 27; Nicholls State University, Thibodaux, La.

St. Louis Rams

Plot line: “Hello, my name is Aeneas and I’m here to play left corner for the 2001 St. Louis Rams. And you are? Mark? Oh, right, you’re the new weakside linebacker. Mark, let me introduce you to Kim and Adam. They tell me they play safety. Kim and Adam, I’d like you to meet Damione. And standing next to Damione is . . . wait, he just told me . . . Leonard, is it? Right. And people, I’d like you all to shake hands with the new right tackle . . . “

Camp opens: Wednesday; Western Illinois University.

San Francisco 49ers

Plot line: Quarterback Jeff Garcia made the Pro Bowl last season and is seeking a contract reflecting as much. The 49ers are offering one year at $389,000 because they suspect Garcia might be a one-year wonder. Big gamble by the 49ers. Once everybody takes a look around camp and sees no Jerry Rice, no Charlie Garner and no Ken Norton, the price for one-year wonders is going to go through the roof.

Camp opens: July 28 (rookies Wednesday); University of the Pacific.

NFC Central

Chicago Bears

Plot line: Fed up with being third string in a no-quarterback town, Shane Matthews swore he was out of Chicago after last season. Then Bears’ management signed on to the “Trade Cade” McNown Web site and took another look at Jim Miller’s surgically repaired Achilles’ tendon and promptly took decisive action. Come back, Shane! Come back!

Camp opens: Today; University of Wisconsin Platteville.

Detroit Lions

Plot line: New coach, new general manager, same players, still no Barry Sanders. When do the Red Wings begin camp?

Camp opens: July 26 (rookies Monday); Saginaw Valley State University.

Green Bay Packers

Plot line: Longtime Packer mastermind Ron Wolf has retired, leaving the general manager’s duties to Mike Sherman, already overtaxed as the team’s coach. The Packers need a few improvements, and as they all sit around waiting for Antonio Freeman to report, they can take turns raising their hands and giving Sherman suggestions.

Camp opens: July 26 (rookies Tuesday); St. Norbert College, DePere, Wis.

Minnesota Vikings

Plot line: Five months after threatening to leave the Vikings--scaring Robert Smith, John Randle, Dwayne Rudd, Tony Williams and Todd Steussie so much, they beat him to it--Randy Moss returns to camp, shrugs and reveals, “Just kidding.”

Camp opens: July 29; University of Minnesota Mankato.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Plot line: During the off-season, the Buccaneers signed two quarterbacks--Brad Johnson, to get them to the Super Bowl, and Ryan Leaf, to get them good tee times. What day do you have in the “Leaf, Coach Wants To See You And Bring Your Playbook” pool?

Camp opens: July 29; University of Tampa.

NFC East

Arizona Cardinals

Plot line: Cardinal observers expect an acrimonious, summer-long competition between veteran kicker Cary Blanchard and rookie Bill Gramatica, the younger brother of Tampa Bay all-pro Martin. More offensive fireworks than usual, in other words.

Camp opens: July 27; Northern Arizona University.

Dallas Cowboys

Plot line: Tony Banks? Emmitt Smith returns for his 12th season, needing 103 yards to pass Barry Sanders for second place on the all-time NFL rushing list. Tony Banks? Joey Galloway and Raghib Ismail return to the lineup, apparently recovered from the knee injuries that gutted the Cowboys’ 2000 season. Tony Banks? With a bit of luck, owner Jerry Jones sees “no reason we can’t be 10-6” in 2001. Tony Banks?

Camp opens: Saturday; Midwestern State University, Wichita Falls, Texas.

New York Giants

Plot line: Pro Bowl linebacker Jessie Armstead is a holdout. Wide receiver Ike Hilliard, miffed over his contract, delayed foot surgery until mid-June and might not be ready to start the regular season. Lomas Brown and Glenn Parker, linchpins to the offensive line, are 38 and 35, respectively. This year’s installment of “Why Nobody Repeats in the NFC” has already begun.

Camp opens: July 26; State University of New York, Albany.

Philadelphia Eagles

Plot line: Former UCLA wide receiver Freddie Mitchell can talk the talk, but can Duce Staley, sidelined for the last 11 games of 2000 because of a serious foot injury, walk the walk? Donovan McNabb, to name one, is on pins and needles.

Camp opens: July 29 (rookies, free agents July 26); Lehigh University.

Washington Redskins

Plot line: So what can new Coach Marty Schottenheimer possibly say to Jeff George on the first day of camp? “About all those nasty things I said about you not being able to win while I was in the TV booth last season? Taken out of context, every word.”

Camp opens: July 29; Dickinson College, Carlisle, Pa.