Colorful Tales: "A man in Florida who is colorblind is suing the city because he was fired from his job installing traffic lights. He admitted he couldn't tell a green wire from a red wire. He got fired for that. Only in America is it OK to sue for getting fired from a job you are unable to do in the first place. I guess the guy figured, 'If Bush can be president, I can install traffic signals."' (Jay Leno)

Who's Counting: "The New York Times released a six-month-long investigation into Florida's absentee ballots and concluded that George W. Bush won in November.... He's been declared president so many times, he's no longer eligible to run for reelection." (Argus Hamilton)

Seventh Heaven: "A woman gave birth to septuplets recently. They're fine and everyone is talking about the septuplets. Even President Bush called and said, 'I wish both of your babies well."' (Conan O'Brien)

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