Sounds Kind of Punny to Us
The federal government does not usually run help-wanted ads. This is because government positions are already in high demand, what with the excellent job security, generous benefits packages, no requirement to perform actual work, etc. The only federal recruitment ads you tend to see are for the armed services; these are necessary to counteract certain negative stereotypes. (Be All That You Can Be While Wearing Unattractive Haircuts and Operating Huge Exploding Vehicles at Low Pay.)
But those ads are the exception. Which is why I was surprised the other day to see an advertisement on the subway soliciting employees for the U.S. Mint. This ad was unlike most government job listings, which are printed in all capital letters without punctuation and read like something that might be bellowed by a man in a fedora with a megaphone at a Soviet-era bread line.
No, this ad for the Mint is pretty peppy and ungovernmental. It begins with a headline containing not one but two puns: “Make some real money for a change.”
Next it tells you that if you are “bright,” jobs at the Mint provide a “golden” opportunity to “shine.” In case you do not get the point, these words are placed beneath a picture of gleaming brass Sacagawea dollars. (The Sac dollar is always gleaming because it has never, to my knowledge, actually been used to make a purchase.)
My problem with this ad is not the puns, it’s the desperation of the puns. I don’t mind if Uncle Sam wants you. I just don’t want him to have to do a lap dance to get you. I see only bad things on the horizon:
* Your Life Can Be Ebola Cherries! Join the Centers for Disease Control . . .
* The Nuclear Regulatory Agency: All Our Former Employees Give Us Glowing Recommendations.
* The National Weather Service--a Low-Pressure Work Environment.
* Join the Surgeon General’s Team--We Run a Hell of an Operation.
* Experience Waitlessness: Immediate Openings at NASA!
Had enough? Me, too. I figure that if the Mint is so fond of wordplay, and what with all its spare change, it should appreciate a simple jingle:
Ode to the U.S. Mint
They stamp out coins that no one uses,
Indian maids with their papooses.
They stamp out coins that ain’t worth naught
You’ll find no thing a penny’s bought.
The stuff they stamp’s outlived its time.
(A nickel isn’t worth a dime.)
Why can’t they use their stamping guns
For something good, and stamp out puns?