Opinions You Might Need

As society returns from summer, it is important to review some news you may have missed and not known you need an opinion on:

* Even Libras can now earn a diploma in astrology from a newly accredited school in suburban Phoenix. The Accrediting Commission of Career Schools and Colleges of Technology just approved the Astrological Institute. It was founded by Joyce Jensen, a 60-year-old Scorpio who for years had been seeking the first such recognition. Until now, the stars apparently weren’t aligned. The Council for Higher Education Accreditation said the move does not validate astrology--it just recognizes that the school (enrollment, 32) fulfills its promises. Opinion: Today is a good day to sell everything, move to Arizona and pay a $5,300 tuition. You have a good sense of humor. A job in late-night TV ads awaits.

* (The following paragraph has been approved for most audiences.) A new study by the Parents Television Council finds a drop in the volume of sexual material on TV during the so-called family hour, 8 to 9 p.m., but increasing references to oral sex and pornography. Opinion: It’s a positive step for networks to move talk of oral sex from their nightly news programs. It’s true that without sex there would be no families to watch the family hour. But why can’t these programs delay the titillating talk until after 9 p.m. when parents, exhausted by all the children they’ve had, will have fallen asleep?

* Speaking of nodding off, have you noticed from the couch that many television news anchors this fall are standing up to give the news? CNN’s Judy Woodruff has even fled onto a roof somewhere to stand and do “Inside Politics.” In the world of television, standing up is doubtless full of urgent symbolism and is a very significant decision by senior producers, who were sitting down at the time. Opinion: Call us when TV viewers are required to stand.

* Astronomers have discovered 12 more moons orbiting Saturn. This vaults the ringed planet into first place, with 30 in the moon-having race. Opinion: This will prove a great boon to the Saturn tourism economy someday (plus, imagine earning 800 million frequent flier miles--one-way). Meanwhile, could some engineers please invent a plastic toothpaste tube that stays rolled up?

* Latter-day explorers have uncovered from 21/2 feet of ice a Hershey chocolate bar that Adm. Richard Byrd left at the South Pole about 60 years ago. Opinion: The chocolate is unlikely to melt there. But what really impresses is Byrd’s self-control, the will power to abandon an uneaten Hershey bar. Of course, he may have accidentally dropped the chocolate. That would explain his three South Pole expeditions.