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Hot Rocks, Cool Plots

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Marshall Fine, an occasional contributor to Calendar, is film critic for the Journal News in White Plains, N.Y., and Gannett News Service

You could say that ice is a hot topic this fall.

Before this movie year winds down, there will be no fewer than three films built at least in part around jewelry heists: “Don’t Say a Word,” “Heist”and “The Affair of the Necklace.”

Not all these tales of jewel theft focus on diamonds, of course. The occasional ruby, emerald or pearl finds its way into the mix.

But no matter what the gem, jewelry heists hold a unique place in films. True, like bank jobs or art heists, the jewel robbery requires meticulous planning. All three are about getting paid in a big way, although the jewel thief and art thief often share a fondness for the aesthetic of their target, aside from its resale value. They’re not just in it for the cash.

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As we looked at a short selection of the better jewel-heist films, a pattern began to emerge. Think about it when this year’s models arrive in theaters.

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Movie: “The Pink Panther” (1964).

Thief: The Phantom, a.k.a. Sir Charles Litton (David Niven).

The target: The Pink Panther, a diamond with a flaw that “resembles an animal--a panther, a pink panther.”

How big: Not quite the size of a fist.

Where it’s being kept: In a safe in the Swiss villa of Princess Dala (Claudia Cardinale).

Why they want it: It is “the most fabulous diamond in all the world.”

Diversion: Sir Charles faking a ski injury and using a cane to hide his agility.

Major obstacle: Inspector Jacques Clouseau (Peter Sellers), who doesn’t catch the thief but does steal the movie.

Before he can finally claim the jewel: Sir Charles must both cuckold and frame Inspector Clouseau--neither of which is much of a challenge.

Eccentric sidekick: Robert Wagner as Sir Charles’ smarmy American nephew, George, who begins chasing the same women Sir Charles does.

A thief’s philosophy: None--but he does leave a glove with a large monogrammed P at the site of each theft.

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Movie: “Topkapi” (1964).

Thief: Elizabeth Lipp (Melina Mercouri) and Walter Harper (Maximilian Schell).

The target: “The four greatest emeralds the world has ever known, encrusted in a dagger.”

How big: Comparable to a small hunting knife.

Where it’s being kept: The Topkapi Museum in Istanbul.

Why they want it: The emeralds match Mercouri’s eyes.

Diversion: Figuring out why the characters played by heavily accented Mercouri and Schell have such white-bread American names.

Major obstacle: A fully alarmed floor around the dagger--and an ambitious inspector from the Turkish secret service who thinks they’re smuggling arms.

Before he can finally claim the jewel: Harper must overcome the loss of one member of his team and the acrophobia of another.

Eccentric sidekick: Giulio, the human fly (Gilles Segal).

A thief’s philosophy: “There are three cardinal rules of theft: Plan meticulously; execute cleanly; and don’t get caught before or during.”

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Movie: “The Hot Rock” (1972).

Thief: Recently paroled ex-con and full-time thief John Dortmunder (Robert Redford).

The target: The Sahara Stone.

How big: A softball-sized diamond.

Where it’s being kept: The Brooklyn Museum.

Why they want it: Hired to retrieve it by an emissary of an African nation that claims it as part of its heritage.

Diversion: Staging elaborate car accident to draw museum guards’ attention.

Major obstacle: The ineptitude of his own gang.

Before he can finally claim the jewel: Dortmunder must rob a museum, break an accomplice out of prison, and break into a police station.

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Eccentric sidekick: Ron Leibman as the wheelman who listens to recordings of cars at the Indy 500 with his mother.

A thief’s philosophy: “Never work with family.”

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Movie: “Rough Cut” (1980).

Thief: Expatriate millionaire-playboy Jack Rhodes (Burt Reynolds), a.k.a. the Jack of Diamonds.

The target: $30 million in diamonds.

How big: Fits in a sack the size of a moneybag.

Where it’s being kept: On an airplane headed from London to Antwerp.

Why they want it: Diamonds, as it turns out, are everyone’s best friend.

Diversion: Burt Reynolds doing a weak Cary Grant imitation.

Major obstacle: A girlfriend (Lesley-Anne Downe) who is actually a snitch for a Scotland Yard inspector (David Niven).

Before he can finally claim the jewel: Reynolds must work with four directors on a script from which Larry Gelbart removed his name.

Eccentric sidekick: Burt’s hair.

A thief’s philosophy: “The past bores me. I’m only interested in now--right now.”

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Movie: “Thief” (1981).

Thief: Frank (James Caan). Just Frank.

The target: A fortune in uncut diamonds.

How big: Might fill a Seagram’s Crown Royal bag.

Where it’s being kept: In a vault on the top floor of a Los Angeles bank building.

Why they want it: A lone wolf, Frank is strong-armed into the employ of a mob boss (Robert Prosky) who sets up the score.

Diversion: A girlfriend (Tuesday Weld) wanting Frank to make a commitment and settle down.

Major obstacle: Not dozing off to the droney Tangerine Dream score before he can crack the vault.

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Before he can finally claim the jewel: Frank must shoot it out in slow motion with the mob boss and his gang.

Eccentric sidekick: Willie Nelson as Okla, the ailing con mentor who doesn’t want to die in prison.

A thief’s philosophy: “I steal ice. No foreign coin collections, no stock certificates, no Treasury certificates. Just diamonds--or cash.”

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