Looking Back, Under Protest

Feb. 22, 1980, versus Feb. 22, 2002--a tale of two U.S.-Russia Olympic hockey semifinals:

1980: Amid Cold War posturing and threats of Olympic boycotts, the big game faces off in Lake Placid.

2002: Amid Cold War posturing and threats of Olympic boycotts, the big game faces off in Salt Lake City.

1980: Herb Brooks is behind the American bench, trying to find a way to neutralize the play of Slava Fetisov.

2002: Herb Brooks is behind the American bench, trying to find a way to neutralize the players of Slava Fetisov.

1980: Americans play with a vengeance, having much to prove after embarrassing themselves in a 10-3 loss to the Russians at Madison Square Garden three days before the start of the Olympics.

2002: Americans play with a vengeance, having much to prove after embarrassing themselves in a room-trashing fiasco four years before at the Nagano Olympics.

1980: As the final seconds wind down on the Americans’ 4-3 victory, Al Michaels declares, “Do you believe in miracles?”

2002: As the final seconds wind down on the Americans’ 3-2 victory, everyone watching declares, “Do you believe the Russians haven’t protested yet?”

Nice try, 2002, but I’ll still stick with the original.

It can be a little dodgy, trying to re-create history 22 years down the line. It wasn’t nearly as bad as, say, the “Brian’s Song” remake, but the longer you watched, you couldn’t help noticing what was missing. Namely:

* The Americans’ gutty little underdog status. Hard to rally much us-against-Goliath passion when our tattered slingshots have been replaced by Brett Hull, Mike Modano and 18 other NHL multimillionaires--some of them the same louts who embarrassed the sport and the Western Hemisphere with their who-can-be-the-ugliest-American act in Japan in 1998.

* Mike Eruzione, Jim Craig and the gang. All the names have changed, as you would have expected. Hard to stay in playing shape for 22 years when every time you meet someone new, he wants to buy you a beer. As we saw during the opening ceremony, when they all gathered at the top of Rice-Eccles Stadium to light the Olympic caldron.

Took our breath away. And theirs as well.

* Red Russians. What happened to the Big Red Machine? The Red Menace? The feared red uniforms that used to send shudders through the arena whenever the Mighty Soviets lumbered onto the ice?

In what appeared to be an underhanded, devious attempt to confuse American fans, Team Russia 2002 skated out in knockoffs of the same uniforms worn by the Miracle on Ice Americans of 1980--white jerseys with blue and red trim. Which team were we supposed to root for--the red, white and blue or the red, white and blue?

No wonder Mike Richter look perplexed when he let in that goal by Vladimir Malakhov. He must have thought they were teammates. And, it says here, they will be, next week, when they return to practice again with the New York Rangers.

Sad lesson to be learned: You can’t go home again, even when you’re home again.

In 1980, every time a Russian player was sent to the penalty box, all of America held its breath and wondered, “Is this finally the break we need?”

In 2002, every time a Russian player was sent to the penalty box, all of America held its breath and wondered, “Does this mean the Russians will be boycotting the closing ceremony?”

The Russians, as you know, are protesting everything here. Thursday, they demanded duplicate gold medals for their disqualified women’s cross-country ski team. (Because if they hadn’t been disqualified, the Russians argued, they were certain to win the race.) Friday, they demanded a duplicate gold medal for figure skater Irina Slutskaya. (Because, the Russians argued, Slutskaya had been victimized by “nonobjective judging,” same as the Canadian pairs skaters. And look what they got.)

In Friday’s hockey semifinal, the Russians were penalized six times for 12 minutes, the Americans four times for eight minutes. More glaringly, at least from the Russian perspective, all three U.S. goals were scored while the Russians were playing short-handed.

(The Russians were penalized once for tripping, once for roughing, once for interference and three times for high sulking.)

Remarkably, Fetisov didn’t stop the game to pull his players off the ice, remove his shoe and start banging it angrily on the bench.

Of course, he couldn’t refrain from the obligatory hint of a Western conspiracy, telling reporters afterward that “an agreement’s been signed that is designed to have a final between Canada and the USA. You have this final, you have NHL referees.... They live here and they know the North American players.”

Yes, it will be the U.S. and Canada in Sunday’s final. There was no stopping the Canadians, whose path to the gold-medal game appears to be rigged as well.

Canada beat Belarus, 7-1, in the other semifinal. That wouldn’t have been the score if Sweden had played Canada--Sweden won its group-play matchup, 5-2--but the Swedes were upset by the Belarussians in the quarterfinals.

Which means Sweden and Belarus, along with the Olympic hockey referees, must have been in on the deal. Thank goodness the Games come to end Sunday. The conspiracies here are growing larger by the minute.