Officer a Deep Thinker, but Magnetic Personality Was Key to Closing the Case

Sometimes the long arm of the law needs an attachment. The Laguna News-Post reported that “a police officer used magnets to help a person retrieve her keys from a drain gate in front of Banana Republic.”

Where do Dionne Warwick’s pronouncements go? Laura Moreno of Tustin found a company that evidently collects premonitions (see photo).

*

Roof! Roof! “These dogs are professionals,” Joel Davis observed of one L.A. company’s warning (see photo). “Don’t let your pets try this at home.”

*

A pooch under someone else’s roof: Lee-Ann Christian was on her way to work in L.A. when she saw a sign that said: “Wht. Pitt Bull 3/11 FOUND 3/11 Grn Eyes, Brn, Spot Ctr. Back, Friendly Male, Call

She drove a few more blocks and saw another sign that read: “Lost Dog, 3-11-01 third and gardener [streets], white pitbull with lg Brown spot on his back and a lot of little brown spots as well. Call

The match was made. I admire the courage of anyone who would take in a wandering Pitt Bull or pitbull.

*

Which reminds me: Carl Green of Lomita sent along a label from a lamb’s wool squeak toy for dogs. It said: “This product is not intended for consumption.”

Observed Green: “I’m afraid that very few dogs are literate enough to read the warning.”

*

Still another shaggy creature story: I’ve mentioned how viewers find some TV news folks irritating for the most interesting reasons.

One complained to the media Web site ronfineman.com about an anchor who blinks her eyes “upwards of 30 to 45 times per minute.” A second viewer asserted that another newswoman’s “right eye slams shut during her broadcasts.”

And still another declared that sports anchor Bill Weir of KABC-TV (Channel 7) “doesn’t comb his hair, doesn’t smile, and looks like he hasn’t slept in days.”

*

Getting to the roots of the problem: I thought it only fair to wake up Weir for a comment (see photo of him in his more well-groomed period).

“Thanks to that cruel and slanderous comment, Victor, my toupee craftsman, has not stopped weeping all morning,” Weir replied. “He’ll have you know that he uses only the finest goat hair and spends hours combing it out on a little Styrofoam head in my office.

“Maybe it’s Dallas Raines’ fault. He insists on rubbing balloons on my scalp before each show in order to generate enough static electricity to power the [station’s] Live Doppler 7000.”

*

Nightmarish flashbacks: With baseball getting underway, I can’t help but remember a couple of years ago when the season was drawing to an end and the Dodgers and Angels were foundering as usual.

During a station promo, Weir said: “Dodgers and Angels highlights at 11. Please watch anyway.”

*

miscelLAny: A colleague noticed a gentleman at the corner of 5th and Figueroa streets holding a large yellow sign that read, “Homeless Hungry Handsome.”

My colleague notes, “He wasn’t doing too handsomely with donations from the motoring public, though.”

*

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.