As Rules Go, These Are Mind Numbing

As international sports adopt the first universal anti-drug code, those sturdy dudes and buff babes long associated with “mind sports” such as chess and bridge are being tested for the same banned substances as weightlifters and shotputters.

New guidelines announced in Copenhagen last month, Bloomberg News reports, are designed to establish a uniform set of banned substances ranging from amphetamines to steroids. All sports federations involved in the Olympics -- or sports recognized by the IOC and hoping to be included in the Games someday, such as chess and bridge -- are required to adopt the rules and penalties, which range from warnings to lifetime suspensions.

And, surprisingly, mind sports are not immune from drug scandals.

Disa Eythorsdottir was stripped of a silver medal at the 2002 Bridge World Championships in Montreal because she refused to take a drug test. She said she’d been taking diet pills and was concerned about a false result.

“What did they think I was taking, smart pills?” asked Eythorsdottir, a native of Iceland who now lives in Huntsville, Ala. “The moment I invent smart pills, I won’t have to play bridge for a living.”

Or endure drug tests.

Trivia time: Which NHL team lost its first 38 road games in its inaugural season?

Guess again: An incredulous Phil Mickelson, asked last week who would be the first left-handed Masters champion: “I think you know what my answer is to that question.”

Left-handed compliment: Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News, on Mike Weir’s Masters victory, ending Tiger Woods’ two-year run: “This was like the roadie getting to sing the encore, the mechanic drive the victory lap, the piano mover play the piano. This is not what the people came to see, and the wonder is none went away asking for their money back.

“This was a Masters to touch dreamers rather than to validate champions.”

Orangeman turns blue: From Bud Geracie of the San Jose Mercury News: “This should wipe that smile off Carmelo Anthony’s face: being drafted by the Clippers.”

Ardor for odor: Former USC safety Troy Polamalu, who was born in Santa Ana but played high school ball in Oregon, knew he was back in familiar surroundings the minute he returned for a recruiting visit to USC.

“Southern California has a very distinct smell to it,” Polamalu told the Boston Globe. “When I moved to Oregon it smelled beautiful, but when I came off the plane I smelled the air. It didn’t smell good, but it smelled like home to me.”

Trivia answer: The Ottawa Senators, who in 1992-93 wound up 1-41 on the road, 10-70-4 overall.

And finally: As April temperatures in the East dipped into the 30s, shortstop Omar Vizquel of the Cleveland Indians turned the tables on sportswriters accused of being frustrated athletes, telling the Cleveland Plain Dealer:

“This is when I’d like to be a journalist, sit in a nice warm press box and eat a couple of hot dogs. Just for a week or two. Then, when the sun comes out, I could go back and play baseball.”