I enjoyed reading Maria Elena Fernandez's Single in the City article and have shared it with a few of my workmates ("Strength Need Not Become a Liability," Feb. 27). We agree that, in hindsight, the shields that came up as a result of our liberation need to come down.
I couldn't agree more with several of Fernandez's points. I'm a 51-year-old male who has spent the last five years trying to find a good woman. Mostly I meet are women who say they are independent (seems to really mean they have emotional walls up and won't allow anyone close to them) and want you to be able to read their minds. Now when I hear a woman say, "I'm looking for an honest guy who won't play games," I move on, as they eventually do exactly that.
Just as Betty Friedan spelled out a different but related challenge for an earlier generation, Maria Elena Fernandez distilled in a few paragraphs the tightrope walk that women attempt, often with painful and lonely consequences. As with women before her, the problem is unspoken and too often unresolved.
The bigger risk, however, was expressed in the beautiful sentence, "I glanced at the joyous man across the table, exhaled and decided to stop the madness."
No matter where the relationship goes, that sentence spoke volumes about courage, integrity and care for oneself (not to mention not doing the same old thing and expecting a different result).
Thanks to the writer for sharing something so personal and yet so universal.
San Luis Obispo
Fernandez is a breath of fresh air that Single in the City needs. As a lifelong single male, I believe she could not have spoken truer words than "... being resilient and resourceful does not mean that I want to stand alone forever." That is not just how she feels, but probably many women and definitely many men as well.
Sustaining a relationship is difficult for both you and me. You will find your Prince Charming (although you would probably not be disappointed in meeting his younger brother) because you understand that women and men are different and you have the insight to understand and value those differences.