Flirting With Buddy System to Snag Date

Two friends are at a party when one sees a potential love interest across the room. The other friend swoops into action, making an introduction and helping to keep the conversation going -- all so the buddy can score a phone number.

It’s long been a ploy in the flirting arsenal. But now, those who ride shotgun for the sake of love have a name: They are the “wingmen” and “wingwomen” of the dating world.

“Every guy’s gotta play the role of the wingman at some point in his life. It’s the unwritten guy code,” said Steve Dybsky, 25, a Chicagoan who works in advertising and has been a wingman for friends, and had them do the same.

It’s become such a popular concept that people are even posting ads online, looking for wingpeople to accompany them on a night on the town.

At Arriviste Press, a small Boston-based publishing house, writers have launched a Virtual Wingman service on the company’s website. All clients have to do is plug in a few details about themselves and the sort of date they’re looking for. Using that information, the virtual wingmen will craft a free personal ad. Profits will come in the future, the company hopes, from advertising on the website.

Meanwhile, in cities such as Chicago and New York, a person can rent out a real live wingman on an hourly basis.

Self-described “wingchick” Wendy Ralph founded the Chicago company Mr. Right Now Inc., which began by providing dates for a night. It quickly expanded when more clients started asking for wingmen.

“I’ve always been that girl, the one whose friends ask, ‘Will you go talk to that person for me?’ ” Ralph said. So, she figured, why not make a buck doing it?

Now she and the wingmen and women who work for her charge $50 an hour, accompanying clients to parties and bars, and helping them meet people who catch their fancy.

Others who offer such services are finding similar success.

Shane Forbes, a computer programmer who founded the New York-based company Wingwomen a year ago, says his business has been such a hit that he now has more than 25 women working for him and, at any one time, more than 300 male clients.

He opted to work with wingwomen only because he says they’re often more subtle -- and more successful in approaching other women on a client’s behalf.

“If a guy talks to a girl, she knows she’s being hit on,” Forbes said, even if that guy is a wingman.

Jay O’Sullivan, 28, a software developer in Montreal, can attest to the advantages of having a wingwoman along, especially with a group of guys. “When you throw a woman into the mix, guys get competitive and try to be funnier,” he said. “So the whole night just sort of takes off.”

When O’Sullivan was planning a birthday party for two co-workers last month, he posted a query on Craigslist, a popular online bulletin board, looking for wingwomen.

“We just need some responsible girls to help keep the drinks topped up, the lines to the clubs short, and the cars idling. We are NICE GUYS who like to party hard,” the ad read. He had three responses and chose a woman who, for $100 Canadian and free drinks, helped the birthday boys mix with the crowd.

“Ultimately, they didn’t seal any deals, so to speak. But it was a good time,” O’Sullivan said.

Although it’s becoming a paid gig for some, many wingpeople are still just friends who do it as a favor. Paul Reiter says that since he met his fiancee three years ago, he’s become an ace wingman for his friends.

“Now I will even talk to the hottest women without being scared since I’m there just to shoot the wind until my friend comes in with a coy remark,” said Reiter, 27, of Philadelphia.

Not that every wingman always plays it smoothly, as Dybsky, the Chicagoan, discovered three years ago. He was a senior at Villanova University, and his roommate was playing the role of wingman when they met two cheerleaders for the Philadelphia 76ers basketball team.

“We were going out of our way to make myself seem like a fun guy, and things were going well,” he said. Then his roommate, who’d gotten a little drunk, threw up all over the table.

“I thought he ruined my chances,” said Dybsky, who laughs about it now. As it turned out, he still got the phone number he was after, and a few dates with one of the cheerleaders.

Wingman’s mission accomplished.

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A Wingman’s Job Description

From the Associated Press

So what’s a wingman’s role? Gabe Fischbarg, a New York lawyer who wrote “The Guide to Picking Up Girls,” says it goes something like this:

* Step 1: The wingman (or wingwoman) is someone who’s comfortable talking to strangers and helps find a way to strike up a conversation and introduce his (or her) friend.

* Step 2: If the potential love interest is with friends, the wingman helps keep the friends occupied so that there’s a chance for the friend to make a love connection.

* Step 3: The wingman does everything possible to make the friend who’s trying to score look brilliant, funny and enticing.

“In other words, it’s always easier if someone else says nice things about you. If you do it, it sounds like you’re bragging,” said Fischbarg.

He says it’s OK for wingmen to make themselves look silly so their friends can shine. But they should avoid telling embarrassing stories about their friends.