Comfortable? Then it’s probably not a date

You like a guy but you don’t want to date him. How do you hang out with him without giving him the wrong idea? This is a very delicate operation, but it can be done, given the right techniques and sleights-of-hand. Among women, we call these hat tricks “non-date dates.”

You give him the friend vibe. We all know what this is -- it is that demeanor that makes your heart sink if you are interested in a romantic relationship. It is that certain cheery, relaxed attitude that screams, “I am way too comfortable with you to be interested in you.” You eat your food with relish rather than pick at it because the guy is so handsome it makes you nauseated. You don’t over- or under-drink. If you drop your napkin or knock over your beverage, you don’t blush. You don’t care. That is the key -- you do not care what this person thinks of you because he is just your friend, not your Future Ex-Husband.

You don’t play girlie games. You don’t wait for the guy to call you. You don’t let two days go by before you respond to his e-mail so as not to look “too eager.” If you feel like doing something, you call him up and say, “Let’s go see this movie” or “Let’s go get a cheeseburger.” Nine times out of 10 he will accept eagerly. However

You cannot let him pay. That makes it a date.

You don’t dress up. In fact, you may be a little grubby. You throw on the jeans you wore yesterday and a non-tight shirt that may be slightly wrinkled or sport a smallish stain or two. There will be no manner of heels -- flip-flops or sneakers will adorn your feet, which in turn will be ornamented with badly chipped green toenail polish. Your legs will not be shaved and you will not be wearing a shred of makeup, unless you absentmindedly applied some lip gloss.

You limit your time together. Open-ended encounters equal a date. So you say, “I can meet you for a quick drink after I go to this party,” or “Sure, let’s grab something to eat, but I only have an hour.” You never invite the guy in after your outing. And you generally only get together on weekdays, as everyone knows Friday and Saturday are date nights. You might be able to pull off Sunday brunch.

You never let him touch you in any way. That’s self-explanatory. Not even a hug. If you so much as accidentally brush his arm, he will think you are batty for him.

So, in conclusion, your lack of romantic interest has been conveyed through a friendly, relaxed vibe, sisterly (that is, nun-like) attention and completely unsexy, perhaps even dirty, vestments. Have you secured a new male friend?

Sadly, probably not. The ironic thing is that these tactics more likely than not will backfire on you and make the man absolutely, painfully smitten. For women all know the No. 1 rule of dating is: The less you want them, the more they want you. If you are clearly, unambiguously uninterested, you will have to pry the guy off with a putty knife. But look on the bright side -- you have a new slave.

Samantha Bonar can be reached at samantha.bonar@latimes.com.