The Anti{heart} Gets Our Vote

Dear Breanna: It was really mean when you told the kids not to let me join the game at recess. I don’t like you, and I wouldn’t even give you this card if I didn’t have to. Happy Valentine’s Day. Love, Liam.

Put that in the category of valentines we’d love to have seen this week, now that the self-esteem police -- otherwise known as teachers at most elementary schools and preschools -- require children to give valentines to everyone in the class, if they give any at all.

Dear Alani: I like you and the brownies your mom packs in your lunches too. And if you don’t hand it over at recess today like always, you know what I’ll do to you. Happy Valentine’s Day, Noelia.

Are Southern California’s children feeling universally loved after having been through this exercise? Or is it possible that they, along with their parents, see a bit of farce in all this mandated affection?

Dear Samara: Please stop looking at my paper during spelling tests. I love you. Your desk mate, Skylar.

In order to make the experience less commercial and more meaningful, some schools demand that the mutual adoration must be expressed through homemade valentines, which, as every parent knows, means the adults will spend an evening cutting doilies into heart shapes and vacuuming the glitter that worked its way deep within the carpet.

The resulting, real-life messages, mass-produced during a marathon session at the dining room table, usually look like this:

Dear Tyler. {heart} Branton.

I love you. Love, Britannee.

(Some teachers recommend against addressing the cards by name, making them easier to hand out. It also avoids the misspelling of exotic, trendy names. The recipients don’t mind the impersonal cards; they just want to rip off the attached candy.)

We can’t help feeling a surge of subversive glee over one true Valentine story this week concerning a local second-grader who risked his teacher’s wrath by refusing to make a card for a classmate who repeatedly had been cruel to him and others -- and told her why. Unconditional love might be grand, but you’ve got to love this show of honesty and independent thinking. Maybe the little girl will think about her actions over the year and earn a batch of sincere valentines come next February.