2 out of 3 doctors recommend reading this

I have always suspected that any drug that can cause dizziness, shortness of breath, nausea, diarrhea, temporary blindness, muscle aches, headaches, disorientation and loss of memory can also kill you. Now I’m sure of it.

While the pharmaceutical companies are worried about the bad publicity emerging from the latest revelations about possibly dangerous drugs, I’m concerned with a more basic threat, such as dying of a stroke while treating a cold. Even dogs are at risk.

For those who often miss the hard news in favor of sports and movie reviews, a warning was issued just before Christmas that Aleve, the over-the-counter painkiller in an attractive, multicolored container in your medicine cabinet, could cause heart attacks.

This followed earlier announcements that prescription drugs such as Vioxx, Bextra and Celebrex could be dangerous to your health. There is also a suspicion that an animal painkiller called Deramaxx could do in your dog, and possibly your cat, your rat and your turtle. Nothing is safe in the age of wonder drugs.

“This is a very confusing situation,” said an official of the Food and Drug Administration, a comment that brings into question the ability of our government to even begin to regulate the pharmaceutical biz.

All of the warnings, of course, are good news for lawyers, who are lining up like taxis at JFK to get in on the lawsuits being filed on behalf of anyone who has suffered anything more serious than dry mouth while taking the drugs in question. And while you may profit because of it, that’s not necessarily good news if you’re dead or in a coma.

I’ve never taken any of those particular prescription drugs, although, God knows, I’ve popped others that may have contributed to what’s wrong with me today. On the other hand, had I not taken them, I might be long gone. So, medication, like Russian roulette, is often a game of chance.

The warnings about Aleve, however, have me worried, which, I suppose, could also be a side effect of taking it in the first place. While I can’t remember a warning label that mentions worry as a possible result of taking a drug, the inability to remember could itself be another side effect. The pharmaceutical companies manage to cover themselves any way you look at it. If I finally decide to sue one of them, I’ll probably forget why.

In addition to stirring up lawyers, distrust toward the drug industry that is emerging nationwide is also piquing the interest of that old hell-raiser Michael Moore, whose crusading cinema verite has been so effective over the years that guns have been outlawed, General Motors is out of business and John Kerry has been elected president of the United States.

While the people who manufacture medicines of various sorts are becoming a little sweaty at the prospect of Moore shoving a camera in their faces, they’re not in an all-out panic. If they can confuse the government watchdog agencies, the “scruffy guy in a baseball cap,” as one drug company rep has called him, will present no problem at all.

When I mentioned to my wife that Aleve could be causing me brain damage, she shrugged and said, “If drinking martinis hasn’t fogged your head, a pill won’t.”

I was going to point out that even doctors are suggesting that a couple of drinks a day might be good for you, when it occurred to me that they may be confused from drinking martinis themselves, or maybe from taking the very drugs they prescribe.

Concerns about Aleve arose when a study suggested that although the drug could help reduce the risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease, those who took it had about a 50% chance of suffering strokes or heart attacks. Although the findings were not yet, as one researcher put it, “statistically significant,” they were significant enough to 70 patients in the study who had heart attacks or strokes, and to the 23 who died. But they were taking other drugs too, so who knows?

I think it’s only fair to point out that those involved in the study were 70 and older, and when you’re in that category, one out of one of you is going to die sooner or later anyhow.

I have a veritable cornucopia of prescription and nonprescription drugs that I have saved over the years to help me out of any difficult medical situation. I discovered during the anthrax scare that I even possessed an outdated container of the antidote Cipro. When I realized I wasn’t sure what the symptoms of anthrax were, I took a pill anyhow.

Although I’m concerned about the potential side effects of drugs, being disoriented in today’s world is not due only to medication. Just trying to maintain your equilibrium on a planet torn by war and disaster is bound to make you a little lightheaded, not to mention dry-mouthed with fear.

Al Martinez’s column appears Mondays and Fridays. He can be reached at al.martinez@latimes.com.