Three simple rules for men: Call it a love list

I’ve always hated it when experts give you numbered lists of generic advice that’s supposed to work for everyone: “Five Steps to Emotional Healing,” “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” “Nine Steps to Financial Freedom.” That is, until the numbered list was mine. It’s a subtle difference, but important. Let’s begin.

I believe any guy can win over any girl using three very simple, mostly free, incredibly effective tools. This is the stuff I tell my male friends, my brother, even my recently widowed dad. It’s nothing special, but it works.

Compliments

I am not talking about sloppy compliments, leaning over at last call to say “You’ve got pretty eyes” or mumbling “You look nice” when you pick her up for a date. These don’t qualify. You can’t be too general and you must mean it.

The more specific, the more creative, the more like catnip to the female psyche (“From that angle, you look like Ava Gardner”). You think you know this, you think you give enough compliments, but you don’t, and when you do, they often fall short. I have a male friend who said on a second date, “Your eye shadow is sparkly.” No. Don’t confuse a compliment with a statement of fact.

I implore you, don’t fall into the “She knows she’s pretty so I’m not going to tell her” trap. You think Billy Joel didn’t bother complimenting Christie Brinkley just because she happened to be a supermodel with a likely awareness of her empirical beauty? He didn’t have to be a “Big Shot,” and neither do you.

If it crosses your mind, say it. The worst that can happen is that you’ll feel emotionally vulnerable for about four seconds. Walk it off.

Gifts

This seems like a bread-and-butter play, reliable as the pick and roll, but it’s shockingly underutilized. I’m not talking about jewelry from Tiffany. I mean little presents, a candy she mentioned liking or an article you had cut out from the paper. I also file under this category the gift of minor repairs, taking her car for a wash, framing a photo, spraying some WD-40 on her creaky garage door. None of this costs much, but it buys you goodwill.

Manners

Every guy I know thinks he is the one guy who truly is a gentleman. If this is the case, where are the men my girlfriends are complaining about, the ones who don’t offer a lady a drink or take her coat? Some of you could use a refresher course. This matters to us. Figure out what side of the street you’re supposed to walk on (I can never remember) and make a big show of switching to that side. Carry our bags, ask if we’re warm enough and see that we get inside safely. It’s not that we can’t do these things for ourselves; it’s just more fun when you do it.

What do my three tips have in common? All of them communicate that you think we’re worthwhile and that you’ve been raised right. In short, this makes us more likely to have sex with you.

That was crass, but it got your attention. I know you aren’t just looking for a tryst but for someone to hang out with, maybe see a movie with, maybe have some kids together, whatever. I’m not trying to get all in your head. I’m just passing along what I’ve synthesized from years of girl talk. Guys, you don’t know how incredibly close you’ve come, how many times you’ve been one tiny compliment or thoughtful gesture away from romantic victory.

Now hurry up and hide this article before someone sees you reading it. And thank me later.

Teresa Strasser is on the Web at www.teresastrasser.com.