Time to Find a Guy Who Isn’t Par for the Course

Last week when Jeanie and Jerry Buss were guests on the father-daughter radio gabfest, the subjects of marriage and charity came up.

I made it clear right away we were talking about Jeanie and not Jerry, because I didn’t want him to think I was asking him to dump one of his 20-year-olds -- either the one on his right or the one on his left arm.

Father to father, I told Jerry I’d donate $1,000 to the charity of his choice if Jeanie got a ring out of Phil and married before my daughter, Miss Radio Personality -- who has yet to meet a man.

I asked Jerry, by the way, what he’d thought when he first heard his daughter was dating Phil, and he said, “I thought she could do better.”

He said he was kidding, but I wonder if he’s thinking the same thing now as he looks for a coach. Well anyway, he took the bet, and said if Miss Radio Personality gets married before Jeanie, he’ll donate $1,000 to Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA.

I know how competitive Jerry can be. I’ve played poker with the guy, so with money on the line I worry he’s not going to let Phil get away and meet some old Montana hottie when he can get a coach and son-in-law at the same time.

That’s why I took Eric Winter’s proposal to heart.

Winter is the executive director of the Guardians, a nonprofit organization that raises money for the Jewish Home for the Aging, which Winter noted, “accepts anyone, regardless of race, creed, color and batting average [F.P. Santangelo].”

I was surprised Winter was writing to me, knowing Sports Editor Bill Dwyre’s increasing interest in homes for the aging these days.

“I have an offer regarding our ‘Swing Fore the Home Charity Golf Tournament’ on June 5 at the Malibu Country Club,” Winter wrote. “I’d like to give you one foursome for your use, complete with invitations to the VIP party the night before at the Regent Beverly Wilshire. It’s something maybe you and three of your readers could enjoy.”

That’s a problem, as you know, but I suppose I could borrow some of Plaschke’s readers to fill out the foursome. I think I have a better idea, though.

“I hate when that happens,” Miss Radio Personality said.

*

IF I’M going to have any chance of winning $1,000 for Mattel’s and walk down the aisle before Jerry and Jeanie, I’m going to need to fill out the Page 2 Foursome with bachelors -- willing to get married, and soon.

The Guardians wrote out a $200,000 check for the Jewish Home after last year’s tourney, which indicates this is a big-time event attracting classy clientele and explains why Winter didn’t suggest I bring along the Grocery Store Bagger.

This might be something a rich doctor, or rich attorney, or rich executive, who hasn’t had the time to find a wife, might want to explore.

As an added enticement, Winter said, the Page 2 foursome will be eligible for all goodies, including Pravda vodka gift boxes, Corazon tequila gifts, and the tournament promise that someone will tell you later if you proposed to Miss Radio Personality and don’t recall doing so.

Each member of the Page 2 foursome will also receive $200 worth of Nike gear and the chance to win a Mercedes. (Right now the wife and I would settle for some guy pedaling up in cut-off jeans on his homemade bike for two and calling on the daughter.)

Bachelors interested in joining the Page 2 foursome on June 4 for the party and June 5 for golf at no cost beyond the price of a marriage license, should e-mail by Sunday -- and meet most of these requirements:

* Stand 5 feet 11 or taller and range in age from 27 to 32.

* Have a job, but preferably not involving paper or plastic.

* Know something about sports. Bronco fans move to the top of the list.

* At least feign interest in “Desperate Housewives.”

“The tourney is open to both men and women,” Winter said, but not when it comes to the Page 2 foursome. This is about finding the kid a husband before Jeanie bags Phil.

I’m told, though, I’ll need a rose to make this bachelor contest official, so the daughter has something to hand the winner. But I have a better idea.

“Oh no,” said Miss Radio Personality.

The tournament is to begin with a 10 a.m. shotgun start on a Sunday, and while I’m not pleased with the mention of a shotgun and the daughter’s wedding plans in the same sentence, I’ll be able to put each of the bachelors on the radio with the daughter while she does her show between 9 and 10 on 570.

That will give the audience the chance to hear the love connection right as it’s being made.

*

A FEW years back I conducted a contest to find a Super Bowl date for the daughter. The wife and I loved the guy who won, and for a while there, I thought the daughter agreed because she said, “He’s a winner, all right,” but then he disappeared. That seems to happen a lot.

One prospective suitor spent an hour with the family and ran off, screaming into the night. An ability to deal with sarcasm is probably essential, which probably eliminates anyone from UCLA applying.

Now, I realize what a turn-off this can be, so rather than finding out later and stopping someone from proposing to her -- she’s an accountant. OK? It’s not as bad as it sounds, and I can say that, because she has been on the radio for six months and she isn’t nearly as boring as you’d think.

I should probably also mention that she has made a big deal recently out of her giving up dating for now.

But that has to be great news for anyone who wants to play 18 without interruption, the only obligation is to show up for the wedding in a few months. We’ll pay for that, of course, chair covers and all, and invite Jeanie and Phil, along with Jerry and his two 20-year-olds. Just one more perk for the winning bachelor.

T.J. Simers can be reached at

t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.