Smack a Ban on Campus Smoochers
Can we forget about the law for just one minute? Can we temporarily set aside a discussion of whether same-sex high school students in Orange County have been or might be discriminated against for kissing each other on campus while boy-girl smooching runs amok?
In short, can we get to the heart of matter?
Which is whether high school students should be kissing each other, period, on school grounds.
On behalf of John Calvin and Cotton Mather and other people who had things figured out long ago, let me humbly suggest that we just ban campus kissing altogether. Yes, high school is a place for learning, but can’t we just stick with the curriculum set forth by the state of California?
Normally, I don’t give the topic of teenage kissing much thought, but we have a lawsuit in our midst. Filed by a 17-year-old girl, it alleges that Garden Grove school officials singled her out for hugging and kissing with her girlfriend on campus, while basically ignoring similar behaviors between boy-girl couples. Her lawsuit, according to our story, says she and her girlfriend were repeatedly disciplined for showing affection, even though the school handbook doesn’t prohibit such things.
The girl looks pretty bright to me and, indeed, says she’d like to go to Stanford. She says she’s doing this to end discrimination.
Ah, the idealism of the young. I confess to having a bit of it myself and would like nothing more than a non-discriminatory country, both on campus and off.
That’s why I hope my no-kissing idea catches on. There should be one prevailing standard of behavior for all high school kids: Put your pucker in your backpack and leave it there.
No drugs, no weapons, no kissing, no hugging. Straight or gay, we don’t care. The only possible exception I would entertain would be for the starting quarterback and the prom queen, because they’ve earned the right.
If you’re thinking it’s unconstitutional to ban campus kissing, you’re wrong. Any stiff-backed administrator could write it into the school code of conduct, add a few strategically placed surveillance cameras, possibly a German shepherd or two and just wait for the offenders to come rolling in. Start adding a few detentions or extra homework to the touchy-feely crowd and, before long, you’ll see a new attitude on the school grounds.
To be reasonable and to make concessions to modern-day mores, I’d allow hand-holding and high-fiving. And blowing a kiss would be perfectly acceptable.
Why is this such a big deal to me?
Is it because I was kissed on the top of the head in fifth grade and then not again until college? Is it a deep-seated lingering jealousy toward teenagers who have girlfriends or boyfriends and are free to express their affection in public?
I’m sorry, I don’t answer personal questions.
Besides, enough about me. Is it really too much to ask that our high schoolers concentrate on algebra and history for a few hours a day, instead of rubbing in the noses of the faculty that the students’ lives are much more intriguing and passionate?
Is it too much to ask that our young people don’t cavort in the quadrangle?
I don’t think so.
I’m not suggesting it would be easy to enforce the ban. Some headstrong students might try to organize a class boycott or protest march. And you know how some parents are -- they’d raise a fuss over their little darlings being disciplined for public affection. They’d be the same parents who made darn fools of themselves when they were in high school.
Administrators should not be cowed, and the public should stand behind them. We’re footing the bill for the schools, and we ought to be able to demand that two giddy sophomores be prohibited from locking lips in a stairwell.
From now on, let’s say to students in as non-discriminatory a way as possible: You’re here to study.
There’ll be plenty of time for kissing later.
