What’s not to like? He’s Superman
IN “Superman Returns,” a romantically befuddled Lois Lane stares at her blank computer screen, trying to write an editorial explaining why the world needs Superman.
I’m not sure about why the world needs him either, but I can give 10 good reasons why women everywhere do.
1. He is the epitome of tall, dark and handsome.
We’re talking 6-foot-4, perfectly toned, square-jawed, full-head-of-hair perfection as is rarely found anymore in nature. In fact, I think men have been shrinking for the last 50 years. I blame pesticides.
2. He knows the difference between right and wrong.
And more important, he acts accordingly. For example, he uses his X-ray vision discreetly.
3. He cannot tell a lie.
Seriously, he can’t, any more than Mr. Spock can cry.
4. He’s always there when you need him.
But never in a stalkerish way. Although he easily could smother you, he never would. And you don’t even have to pick up the phone to call him, because he hears everything.
5. He is faithful.
OK, this one could be a problem. He is seriously hung up on Lois Lane, even though she is a smoker, a terrible speller and demonstrates the kind of common sense that includes accidentally sneaking onto Lex Luthor’s boat, and not dumping her pig-nosed fiance for Superman. Superman!
6. His entire race has been wiped out.
No in-laws!
7. He’s got a great vacation home.
The Fortress of Solitude is never crowded, perfectly temperate and full of pretty crystals (big diamonds?). And the flight there is beyond first-class.
8. He is always dressed appropriately and is impeccably groomed.
Even with the demise of the phone booth. And not many men can pull off boots and a cape. The little spit-curl on his forehead always has just the right amount of spring.
9. He earns a great reporter’s salary as alter-ego Clark Kent.
(Remember, this is a fantasy scenario.)
10. Super sex.
‘Nuff said.
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Samantha Bonar may be reached at samantha.bonar@
latimes.com.