Don’t you dare stare

MELANIE Lynskey is not yet 30, and she’s about to get married to an actor. The New Zealander has played Charlie Sheen’s stalker, Rose, on “Two and a Half Men” since 2003, but on Monday night’s episode ... well, no spoilers about how it all unfolds, please. She’s appeared in “Flags of Our Fathers” and “Shattered Glass,” made her debut in 1994 in Peter Jackson’s “Heavenly Creatures,” and now spends her days shooting green-screen for Tim Minear and Ben Queen’s upcoming road-race series, “Drive,” which will debut April 15.

You say you want to live in New York -- why don’t ya, then?

My fiance is from the East Coast and he lived in New York for five years. And when we moved to Los Angeles, he decided he never wants to leave. And I thought, “Oh, but I’ve never done it....”

Speaking of the young fellow, Mr. Jimmi Simpson, you’ve been engaged for a long time.

But we’re getting married in April. We just had a lot of planning. We’re getting married in New Zealand and we had a lot of organizing to do. He’s in San Diego right now doing this Aaron Sorkin play [“The Farnsworth Invention”], so he’s going to be gone up till two weeks before we get married. It’s kind of romantic but it’s kind of sad.

“Coyote Ugly” and “The Cherry Orchard” are back to back on your IMDB page. It’s the greatest juxtaposition ever.

Oh, my gosh. That’s exactly how I filmed them as well. It was about as different as you could get from one thing to another. “The Cherry Orchard,” we were in Bulgaria and the director was this beautiful old Greek man, he’d done theater for 20 years, and I was working with Alan Bates and Charlotte Rampling. Then I was in New York doing “Coyote Ugly” with this really cool guy -- who was a commercial director, so it was very fast and Jerry Bruckheimery, and a lot of cleavage going on and it was very strange.

And then there was “Two and a Half Men” -- and that locker-room dialogue.

It’s about men and written by men. Sometimes at the table read I felt like I was an old lady -- sitting next to Angus, the little boy [costar Angus T. Jones, who plays Jake Harper, is now 13], thinking, “Should he be hearing this?” But he’s at an age when he’s hearing much worse at school.

I’ve seen exactly 15 seconds of previews for ‘Drive’ -- the Fox midseason replacement about a long, mysterious road-race with a multimillion-dollar prize -- and I’m stoked for it.

I had such a great situation in “Two and a Half Men.” I could come and go and do movies. They were amazing with me. I was really thinking I would never leave. It just seemed like if I was going to go in a new direction, it would be where I was going to go.

And how do you feel about leaving the show?

I didn’t know what I thought -- “Oh they’re going to push me off the deck, or kill me, or something.” It’s good to leave with everyone feeling nice about each other. Then I can come back as well.

You’re maybe second in the competition -- behind “House M.D.’s” Hugh Laurie -- for best American accent on TV.

That’s lovely. His American accent is great. But I love his British accent. It’s so charming. I wish he could talk like that all the time.... But also Rachel Griffiths on “Six Feet Under.” My all-time favorite American accent. We worked together over the summer and I told her that. She was like, “Oh, my Gawd, thanks!” I just did an Australian accent.

Are there big secret Los Angeles Australian and New Zealander parties?

There are, actually -- they’re organized by the government. Around the Oscars, they organize a thing where the New Zealanders come together. And there’s one for the Australians too. But the Australians crash the New Zealand one. They’re a lot rowdier but it makes the party much more interesting because they all come from criminals. We’re from peaceful Scottish people. Uh, well, some of us.

You’re probably really into acting.

I hate when people look at me! I hate having my picture taken. I don’t like being the center of attention. It makes me anxious.

People think most actresses are desperate to be looked at. Apparently you’re in the wrong business.

I think a lot of actors are like that.... From when I was very little, I was so shy and I always had to go to new schools and I’d have no friends and I’d go to the staff rooms because the teachers were nice to me. When I discovered acting when I was 5 years old, it was a way to become someone else and not have to be self-conscious and not feel like I was making a fool of myself.