A way to break it off? Do it by the numbers.
TO blow him off or not to blow him off. That is the question.
Even more delicate a matter, though, is how to do it.
He’s an air traffic controller by day, a stand-up comedian by night. Handsome, funny, polite. But he couldn’t hold my interest if he simultaneously solved L.A.’s traffic problems and saved Darfur. One matinee does not a relationship make, but when a guy keeps calling, it’s forcing the issue. Do I answer or do I dodge?
Some people are masters of the fadeaway, also known as the disappearing act or the deep freeze. I’ve been guilty of it myself, and we’ve all been on one side or the other. There were meals, drinks, outings, flirting, sometimes sex. Then all of the sudden, nothing but silence followed, leaving the dumpee with a bruised ego and a budding revenge fantasy.
In defense of the cut-and-run, sometimes you need a tidy, non-confrontational way out, after you realize that there’s just not much of a chance for a relationship to work.
How to make your exit is a murky area in the emotionally charged dating world. But what if there were some guidelines that could help in such cases? A spreadsheet, a chart, a rejection algorithm? In the interest of hurt feelings everywhere, I’ll take a shot at it.
For instance, if you’ve gone out one to three times, even if you tore up the town and had a fan-freakin’-tastic time, you should be able to skip the awkward, “I’ve met someone else,” “I just don’t think we connect” conversation. No need for a puffy, transparent excuse about why you don’t want to see the person anymore.
In short, if you stop calling and e-mailing, it’s pretty clear that you’re over it. Like the famous Saturday morning cartoon that says, “That’s all folks,” and then, poof, get gone. Is it wimpy? Admittedly. Is it mean? Debatable.
After all, no response is a response. Rip the Band-Aid and move on.
Four to six dates? It gets a little more complicated and requires some finesse (and, more than likely, a white lie). Your reasons for going cold could be trivial (he’s cheap, he’s a bad kisser) or major (she’s a princess in dire need of head-shrinking). Either way, there’s no real point in airing that opinion. If you’re not going to be dating that person anymore, they don’t have to listen to your critique. At any rate, end it with whatever class and compassion you can muster.
Six dates plus: Now you’re into sticky territory, where dropping off the face of the Earth will spawn years of bad dating karma. (At least I hope so, having been on the receiving end of that loutish behavior a few years back.) Suck it up and have a conversation. Call it a day. Major demerits for dragging your feet.
Opinions are split along gender lines, I’ve found, and I don’t side with mine. Girlfriends have told me they’d rather hear something than nothing, even if it had been a brief fling. I just wonder why, knowing that, girls being girls, their self-esteem will take a beating no matter the circumstances. Closure? It’s a fantasy.
My male friends, on the other hand, say people should get the message, resist the temptation to over-analyze and just get on with their lives.
As for the air traffic controller/comedian, I should reward his persistence with the truth. But until I work up the nerve, I’m grateful for caller ID.
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