She’s single till she’s not

The other day, someone asked me, “Didn’t you ever want to get married?” After being momentarily offended that the question was phrased in the past tense, my immediate answer was, “Of course I do.” But then I started to think -- do I?

I still consider myself a romantic at heart. I still see the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids. However, part of me now questions the necessity of the union. I look around, and to be honest, I don’t see a whole lot of wedded bliss.

But as I get older, I realize one thing to still be true -- in this seemingly somewhat evolved society (and in my family), you’re either double, or you’re nothing.

My older siblings are all married with children. I am without a doubt treated differently as the single one. I am the youngest (of the first marriage), yet over the years I have often been the organizer of social events, planner of birthday gifts and, at times, the family mediator. It seemed I was considered the most “available” because I don’t have a spouse and children. In my family’s defense, it was a role I eagerly took on.

Many years ago, we as siblings made a rule that we would no longer buy gifts for one another and would only buy for the children. So definitely my bad for not jumping on the procreation bandwagon! There are now 10 kids between my three siblings. While they keep making babies, I keep buying gifts, yet not a lot seems to come my way. My mother joked the other day, “If I added up everything I give to your brothers and sister, I probably owe you thousands of dollars.” Hey, Mom, feel free to hand that over any time.

It’s the same with friends. Please explain to me how it is that I dine with a family of four and the bill gets split in half. I am finally getting more aggressive, handing over my $20 bill before the check arrives, saying, “Here’s my portion.” That brilliant move took me only 15 years to figure out.

OK, let’s put aside the money part of things because that’s not really what my beef is about. It’s about being accepted for who I am -- not how many I am. I realize, being on the back end of my 30s, that my life is not viewed as typical; it doesn’t fit “the mold,” even in these supposedly forward-thinking times. Most people don’t understand that the single life isn’t so bad -- except for unhappy married people. They get it.

I filled out a questionnaire for my high school reunion the other day. It had the word “family” with a question mark. I guess that was the space where I was supposed to put in my husband and 2.5 kids. I contemplated leaving it blank. But then I thought about it. And guess what? I do have a family -- a pretty large one, in fact. I know that when you get married you create a “new” family, but for me, it’s my mom, dad, grandma, siblings, their kids and my friends. My life is an incredibly full one -- filled with more love, joy and laughter than I ever could have hoped for. So that’s what I wrote as my answer.

Hey Grandma, I want you to know that it’s really OK that I’m not married yet, or if I’m not ever. You don’t need to fix me up with your dishwasher repairman or your insurance guy or anyone else who might knock on your door. I can be single and still be happy -- really, I can. To tell you the truth, I kind of like it this way. But I promise you this: If a guy comes my way who knocks my socks off, I will joyously marry him. After all, the payoff is huge.

Until then, I’m calling it good.