She just wants to be friends with her boyfriend’s ex

Dear Amy: I have been in a relationship for seven years. Last year we had a baby together. We live in different states due to our financial and personal situations.

My daughter and I fly down to see him each month.

He has children from a previous relationship, and they live in the small town where he lives. I have been a part of his kids’ lives for about six years, and now that we have a baby I make every effort to see them when I am in town.

Unfortunately, my boyfriend has a rocky relationship with their mom, his ex.

She avoids me when we run into her in town, and when we go to the kids’ games, she sits on one side and we sit on the other.

I told my boyfriend that this was ridiculous, so I called her to say that I would be in town for the holidays and would love to help out in any way that I could, thinking that maybe I could pick up the kids from school. I also suggested that I take her out to dinner so that we could talk. I haven’t heard from her.

I’m not trying to resolve my boyfriend’s past relationship issues, but I don’t see a reason why I can’t be cordial with the mom of my daughter’s sisters.

The Other Mom

Dear Other Mom: Your persistence seems to come from a good place, but -- please -- stop bothering this person, who obviously doesn’t want to have contact with you.

You can and should be cordial. But you should not contact your guy’s ex to socialize with her. She has made it clear that she is not interested in being friends.

Your boyfriend seems to leave quite a bit of personal drama in his wake. His choice to have children and not marry their mothers, his passive reaction to you and his high tolerance for his ex’s rudeness makes him seem like a pretty poor pick for a partner.

::

Dear Amy: I’d like to weigh in on the women who are complaining about the gifts given to them by their husbands over the years.

My question to them would be this: Are their husbands kind, loyal, faithful, loving and supportive? Aren’t those the things that matter? My soon-to-be ex-wife was none of those things.

I couldn’t care less about the gifts she may have given me over the years, no matter what they were.

Counting My Blessings

Dear Counting: I’m enjoying these “worst gift” stories, but I very much agree with you that when people are loving, loyal and kind, other more material gifts don’t matter.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.