Next time, make it personal
I have 250 friends on Facebook. I’m not bragging (that’s nothing compared to most people), but I’m a bit baffled by how I can have so many “friends” without ever having received a handwritten letter from even one of them. I faithfully send thank you, sympathy and even “Hey, how are you?” notes to people I value. And the mailman’s not delivering much in return.
Maybe Facebook has made us too apathetic to remember what being real friends is like. We’ve gone from meeting in person to talking on cellphones to e-mailing to texting to Friendster-ing to Facebook-ing. Next thing you know, we’ll just be touching our nose or swiping our chins to send each other signals, the way they do in baseball. Does anyone under 30 even remember what handwritten notes are all about?
I am hoping that all this public chirping gives way to something more personal, maybe even a return to the romance of beautiful stationery, flair and making an effort. I’m not holding out for a “Griffin & Sabine”-style correspondence (though that would be lovely). Just a nice, tangible card or letter that says “thanks” or “I’m sorry” or “I miss you” -- instead of a cryptic tweet, or a scrawl on Facebook.
Writing a note by hand is a deliberate, gracious act that’s more about thought than speed -- the polar opposite of a BBM or text message. And because it’s full of “inconveniences” -- finding a stamp, then a mailbox, not to mention the recipient’s home address -- it’s a process that brings the cream of your social network to the top. They’re the ones who are worth the time, the ones who’d also make time for you.
“When you receive something on a card, no matter what is written, you take it more seriously. You know it was thoughtful, personal and more considered,” says Jonathan Arnold, general manager of Dempsey & Carroll, a high-end New York-based stationery company. “The handwritten note forces you to go back and look at the way you’re communicating. It allows you to be more genuine.”
Sure, there are many times when acknowledgment sent via e-mail is just fine, but “sympathies and thank yous should always be sent on a handwritten card or note,” Arnold says. And especially in these rough economic times, when a nice gift or dinner party is harder to manage, those things too deserve a display of gratitude that shows you mean it.
“It’s what you do when you’re a gentleman,” says event planner Bryan Rabin. “Taking time out of your day to sit down and put pen to paper and write a note. To me, it’s more meaningful than a gift or flowers.”
Alex Dickerson, a publicist and a confessed romantic, cherishes old love letters. “My great-grandparents used to leave love notes for each other” when they were dating, she says. “And these days all we get is a text message. . . . It seems unfair.”
A beautiful love letter could be written on a Del Taco napkin and still make the recipient swoon, but tasteful and personal stationery makes it so much better. If you’re making the time for a note, why not go for carefully selected stationery as well? That may feel like foreign territory, but the experts have a few helpful guidelines.
“I think of stationery as a wardrobe,” says Julie Walker, co-owner of Oakland-based Carrot & Stick Press. “I always tell customers to open up their closet, and -- just like the notecards they end up picking -- it’s not matchy-matchy, but they all look like they belong to the same person. It all goes together.”
Many of Arnold’s customers have several styles of Dempsey & Carroll stationery, but all start with what he calls “foundation pieces.”
“Just like you would have foundation pieces in your wardrobe, you have the same thing with stationery,” Arnold says. “Once you establish this foundation” -- the basic look -- “you can be silly, print your nickname or use bright colors on the cards that go to friends.”
It’s old-fashioned, selecting stationery, customizing it. But if you do, a note from you, even before you set pen to paper, will contain traces of your taste, personality and intention. Best of all, the note you write will have passed from your hand to the recipient’s -- a tactile connection between you and a friend. And that’s something a creepy “poke” on a Facebook page just can’t touch.
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