Mother wants to cure son’s manners

Dear Amy: How do I convey a simple lesson about manners to “Jim,” my son?

He lives far away. His sisters live close and are considerate and kind. When I recently had surgery, I did not tell Jim until after the fact, because I realized there was nothing he could do and I didn’t want to worry him.

I sent an e-mail afterward, saying I’d had an operation and was doing well.

I expected a return e-mail, saying something like, “Wow, surprising news; hope you continue your recovery.”

After a week of no word, I e-mailed asking whether he had gotten the message. He wrote that he had, then he expressed good wishes. I am appalled at his insensitivity.

Can you suggest a way I can get across to him that manners dictate a prompt and appropriate response?

Recovering

Dear Recovering: Imagine that you received an e-mail from your son letting you know that he’d had surgery -- after the fact. You would feel alienated.

I hope you’ll consider speaking with your son to ask him whether he feels you did the right thing by not telling him about your surgery before. He has a right to know whether you are facing a serious health issue. You should trust him to manage his own concern.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com.