Mom’s friend is caring too much

Dear Amy: My mother and “Barbie” started working in a nursing home more than 25 years ago and are good friends.

Mom retired in 2008, and Barbie still works there part time. Mom suffered a stroke last spring and wanted us to put her in the home where she worked.

At first, Barbie was so helpful. She truly was a godsend. But things have changed. Barbie visits my mom at the nursing home every single day, and I know Mom likes to see her. My brother and I try to visit Mom at least once a week, but our jobs and family commitments make it impossible for us to see her as often as we would like.

Barbie has taken over. I can’t call my mom without Barbie picking up the phone, and she doesn’t even work in my mom’s wing.

She shows up at my mother’s therapy sessions, has insulted her care manager, tried to insinuate herself into care meetings, has attempted to accompany Mom to doctors’ appointments and even tried to persuade one of Mom’s doctors to change her medication.

How do I get this to stop?

Barbie is not on any approved contact list, but she and Mom have been friends for so long that people think they are related.

Stressed Out

Dear Stressed: Contact the director of your mother’s nursing home -- as well as her care manager -- and ask for a meeting with you and your brother.

They should be aware of “Barbie’s” activities -- certainly her effort to interfere with or control your mother’s appointments or medications.

It sounds as if your mother values this friendship very much, but Barbie is a nursing home staff person and must adhere to the standards established by the facility. She must also respect HIPAA medical privacy laws.

Barbie should be told exactly what sort of contact with your mother is legal and professionally acceptable. You and your brother should keep a very close eye on the professional boundaries and make sure they aren’t violated.

Otherwise, this friendship sounds like a source of pleasure for your mother, so you shouldn’t discourage it -- unless she wants you to.

::

Dear Amy: I can’t believe that the only advice you gave to the new mom who wanted to work from home was to offer child care.

Is that really still the only option in these days of the Internet? And what if she didn’t want to share her time with her son with other children?

I’m about to make a living (a good one, considering my skills) as a copy editor. That’s one job you can do from home.

Happily Employed

Dear Employed: There are myriad ways to make a decent living while caring for kids at home. I started my own writing career as a freelancer from home. Good luck to you!

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.