Mother-in-law is hurting her marriage

Dear Amy: I invited my mother-in-law to come live with us 13 years ago. I thought this arrangement might last five years, tops (she was 76).

The arrangement has had many benefits for all of us.

The downside is lack of privacy. She has consistently undermined our parenting principles; our sex life is near nothing; and I am feeling resentful.

Our son will be heading off to college next fall.

This past year I was diagnosed with cancer. I am conscious of the preciousness of time, and I want my husband to myself once our kid is gone.

Her presence is killing our marriage, and me, and yet asking her to leave is likely to kill her. How can I choose?

In a Swivet

Dear Swivet: You already chose to have your mother-in-law live with you.

If there is an assisted-living facility that you can afford and your mother-in-law would like, explore this with her.

Otherwise, your own health problems have given you an appreciation for the vagaries of life. So use this perspective to understand and appreciate that life is difficult and that you are in a rough patch.

Your local office on aging can help put you in touch with day programs and caregivers.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.