Time to take charge and change your life

Dear Amy: I have been involved with a man for more than four years. We are both in our late 50s.

At the beginning of the relationship, I lived with him, but I had to move out because of his spoiled adult kids.

They didn’t like the fact that I was around and “monopolized all his free time.” They made it very difficult for both of us.

I have been in my own apartment for the past year. He and I had talked about me moving back in with him. My lease is up in February. Now he says he wants me to keep my place -- indefinitely!

I pay rent for an apartment that I hardly live in. By my choice, I spend pretty much every night at his place and we spend every weekend together. We are like two peas in a pod and get along great.

He still wants me to continue to come to his place every night, but I feel that it’s time to make some changes.

I would love marriage, but I’ve sort of had enough. I feel that enough time has passed; we’ve proved we are a couple and everyone says we are so good together.

I am not quite sure how to read him or the situation. I have never been so confused. I’d like some advice.

Ungrateful Girlfriend

Dear Ungrateful: Quick question: Who is in charge of your life?

That’s right, he is. Or rather, according to you, his “spoiled adult kids” are.

You say you’re confused, but the situation you present is not at all confusing. You are in a relationship that is all about what the other person wants and not at all about what you want.

Cohabitation with this guy will never work because he doesn’t want to live with you.

Marriage will never happen because he has no motivation (or desire, evidently) to get married.

I suggest that you start living in your apartment. Find another pea to share a pod with, or, better yet, dare to spend a night alone.

You could start the process of change by not showing up at his house one night.

::

Dear Amy: I can totally relate to “Kelsie,” who was frustrated at her boss misspelling her name. This happens to me all the time. My own father misspelled my name on a personalized graduation present.

Honestly, it doesn’t bother me at all because it doesn’t affect me financially.

For Kelsie, I would say that if it doesn’t affect your payroll, then it’s not a problem.

Christel

Dear Christel: Words to live by. Thank you!

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com.