Hey Mom, why can’t I watch ‘The Hangover’?
Dear Amy: When we sat down to dinner with my kids and some of their friends -- all 9- and 10-year-olds -- one of the boys mentioned that he had seen “The Hangover” multiple times at home.
What do you think of parents who allow their kids to watch very inappropriate movies? My only thought is that they are actually tired of parenting and just don’t bother to try.
Toni
Dear Toni: This presents a “teachable moment” for your kids and their friends.
When other kids mention that they’ve been allowed to see or do something you don’t allow in your family, you can say, “Well, that’s an R-rated movie. R-rated means it’s really for grown-ups, not kids.”
I agree with you that “The Hangover” is highly inappropriate for children.
I don’t know why parents aren’t more careful with the media their children consume, but your primary interest should be toward creating and maintaining the ethic and atmosphere in your own home.
::
Dear Amy: My husband’s brother “Jim” recently passed away. He was the historian of the family and the agreed-upon keeper of all the family photos.
My husband would like to ask Jim’s wife to allow the rest of the siblings to go through the pictures and divide them so that each family has pictures.
We know that you never get over the loss of a spouse, and my husband does not want to do this until Jim’s widow can handle it.
He doesn’t want to create any more sadness for her, and it may be an issue for his nephew, “Brad.”
He doesn’t know the best way to word it. Could you help? When do you feel that this would be appropriate?
Worried Wife
Dear Worried: No one should speak to this grieving spouse about this for several months, unless she brings it up or your husband has reason to believe that the photos will leave the family or be destroyed.
Your husband shouldn’t approach her using words that would make her think this collection is being taken. Instead, he should emphasize that the collection will be copied and shared among all family members.
Technology has made this much easier. The photos could all be scanned and presented to family members digitally -- leaving individuals with the choice of what they want to print.
Your husband could broach this by saying, “I’d like to continue the genealogy work that Jim started. I could take on this task alone or do this along with you and Brad if you’re interested.”
Working on this project together could be a great way for your husband to stay connected with his nephew.
Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com.