Sean Connery
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Fake MySpace celebrities

Sean Connery
By Patrick Day, Times Staff Writer

Sean Connery

Sir Sean appears to be enjoying his retirement from acting. A quick glance at his MySpace blog reveals he’s been listening to the soulful strains of Mr. Kenny G and working on his upcoming history/biography of Scotland “in relation to myself.” He’s not too shy about posting some killer pics of himself -- “Me looking sassy” indeed! Unfortunately, this Sean claims he’ll be appearing in the upcoming Indiana Jones sequel, which, sadly, will not be the case. (MySpace.com)
Wolf Blitzer
Wolf Blitzer

The lord of the “Situation Room” may talk tough with the world leaders who regularly appear on his show, but it seems he’s just a big old softy below that beard. Fav music? Air Supply. Fav movies? “Sleepless in Seattle” and “Stealing Beauty.” Just don’t get on his bad side. Tucker Carlson has been the latest target of his blistering blog attacks, mainly because Blizter feels Carlson’s competing news show “The Situation” is too similar in name to his. “Ha, and he thinks if he loses his wimpy little bow tie I somehow won’t recognize him? But seriously, folks, this guy is a grade-A loser!” writes Blitzer. (MySpace.com)
Bea Arthur
Bea Arthur

This former Golden Girl has gone platinum. She’s as feisty as she was back in the 1980s -- check out her favorite TV shows: “You expect me to say, ‘The Golden Girls’ don’t you, you smarmy little punks.” And she’s not shy about her older desires, especially when it comes to her Jeffrey Tambor-lust. But mostly she’s enjoying the kind of laid-back lifestyle a TV icon like her deserves: “I drink white wine in the afternoon ... or all day. It doesn’t matter.” (MySpace.com)
Patrick Swayze
Patrick Swayze

That fresh-faced young stud is indeed Mr. Patrick Swayze, back in his young and hungry days. He may have put on some mileage -- he’s 54 now -- but that hasn’t slowed him down in the least. He’s still interested in “sushi and dancing,” and as for music, “anything that helps keep my body supple and in shape.” But what’s most surprising about the onetime dirty dancer is how much that film truly was the time of his life. He’s still looking to meet Jennifer Grey. “And other dirty dancers. You know who you are.” (MySpace.com)
Wilford Brimley
Wilford Brimley

That huggable bear of a character actor has an “About me” entry that makes you want to get out of the house and really live life. “I am an 80-year-old man who, thanks to good nutrition, a zest for life and an unbelievable new career late in life, has allowed me to overcome many obstacles,” he writes. In addition to being a former rancher, blacksmith and bodyguard for Howard Hughes, the Quaker Oats kingpin also expresses an interest in getting “an audition as a regular on ‘Days of Our Lives’ ” and following Shannen Doherty’s career. No surprise, then, that he includes “Charmed” among his favorite TV shows. The only question remains: Why the keen interest to meet Tom Selleck? (MySpace.com)
Helen Mirren
Helen Mirren

With a good-natured “Toodle-pip” we know that we’ve entered the little corner of the MySpace universe carved out by Dame Helen, Oscar-winning star of “The Queen.” But don’t let the lofty title or impressive credentials fool you. At heart, she’s still just the simple girl from Chiswick with a passion for the Bard. “You can also often catch me travelling by public transport if you are lucky enough,” she writes. “Stop and say hello and I will quote a Shakespearean line for you.” You can take the girl out of England... (MySpace.com)
Victoria Beckham
Victoria Beckham

Newly arrived Angeleno Victoria Beckham may get an A for personal style, but her HTML skills get an F. She claims her site is currently under construction, but it takes real work to make a profile page look this bad. And she’s got a rude awakening for her in the very near future. According to her January blog post “Greetings from LA,” the then-house-hunting star was “trying to work out how to get from Santa Monica to Malibu, and from Brentwood to Bel-Air,” because the kids want to go to Disneyland. Bad news, Victoria, the Magic Kingdom isn’t on the Westside. (Nick Ut / AP)
John C. Calhoun
John C. Calhoun

There are a surprising number of dead guys lurking on MySpace, but few have jumped into the networking craze with as much gusto as the seventh vice president of the United States. Think he’s just putting up a vanity page? Check out his “Disquisition on Government” entry. It’s nearly 1,000 words of thoughful analysis and nary an LOL in sight. But don’t let the stiff collar fool you. He’s a big “Goonies” fan, and don’t even get him started on the latest Jay-Z. And check out his listed age -- 102 years old. What a kidder! (MySpace.com)
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