Ho-ney, I'm ho-ome ...

Law EnforcementCrime, Law and JusticeServices and ShoppingVehiclesParis HiltonState BudgetsPolitics and Government

AND NOW IT'S time for another episode of "I Love Chelly," about that wacky, lovable brunette who's married to a handsome, up-and-coming city attorney who wants to make it big in politics.


The front door opens in a house somewhere in Windsor Village.Rocky: Chel-ly! I'm ho-ome! I saw the Yukon out front — somebody must have smashed into the back of it while it was just parked there! And they didn't even leave a note! Some people have absolutely no respect for the law!

Chelly: Ehhhhh … .

Rocky: What's the matter, honey?

Chelly: Uh, Rocky … ? Darling … ? I … I … I …

Rocky: Yes?

Chelly: I did it.

Rocky: You did it? That's an official city vehicle!

Chelly: Well, I had to get to the doctor's office, didn't I? I was backing up, and all of a sudden there was this pole…. And you know what a terrible driver I am. Little ol' me, driving that big old SUV? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha?

Rocky: Well … I guess I can take it to the official city garage — they can afford to fix it better than we can.

Chelly: Oh honey. Let me give you a great big official city kiss!

(Laughter, applause, fade-out.)

At City Hall, Rocky's phone rings.

Rocky: Hello? Chelly? I can barely hear you — where are you? What's all that commotion?

Chelly: Oh, it's that Paris Hilton — there's a whole lot of photographers waiting for her down here at the police station.

Rocky: The police station? You're at the police station?

Chelly: Now, don't say it like that. It's just a little mix-up. I forgot to fill out some forms, that's all.

Rocky: Chelly … what forms?

Chelly: Wellll …

Rocky: What forms?

Chelly: Oh, just about not having car insurance and driving with a suspended license and not paying some parking tickets and not registering the car. And [whispering] the arrest warrant.

Rocky: A what?

Chelly: Arrest warrant — but it's only because I forgot to do the paperwork. You're not mad, are you?

Rocky: Mad? I'm just going to lock you in the house for the next 20 years! Didn't I tell you to call the insurance agent? Last year?

Chelly: Waaaaah. I forgot.

Rocky: Do you know what will happen if this gets out?

Chelly: Can't you tell 'em it's all my fault? Silly ol' forgetful me. So honey, can you come get me? They won't let me drive the car home.

Rocky: OK.

Chelly: What about the boys? I don't want them to see me here.

Rocky: One of my assistants can baby-sit the boys. There's one good thing about this.

Chelly: There is?

Rocky: With Paris Hilton there, we can sneak out of the police station without anybody noticing us!

(Laughter, applause, fade-out.)


The Delgadillos' doorbell rings; it's their neighbors and friends, Ethel and Fred Hertz.

Ethel: Anybody home?

Chelly: Hi, Ethel, come on in.

Ethel: I got your mail, and you're not gonna like it.

Chelly: Oh, don't tell Rocky — he's mad enough at me already.

Rocky [walking in]: Don't tell Rocky what?

Ethel: Not so fast, handsome — there's an envelope for you too.

Chelly: Read mine, Ethel — I'm too nervous.

Ethel: Here it is — "Dear Mrs. Delgadillo: Your consulting firm, C.R.D., has failed to file state tax returns from 2002 to 2005. Because your business has operated without a city business license, you are liable for fees and penalties and you could face misdemeanor prosecution by the Los Angeles city attorney's office."

Chelly: Waaaaaaaah!! Rocky, don't send me to jail!

Rocky: And listen to this! I'm being investigated by the city Ethics Commission and the State Bar!

Fred: Well, Rocky — what are you gonna do?

Rocky: There's only one thing to do: Move to New York.

Fred and Ethel: New York?

Chelly: New York?

Rocky: Yeah. That way you can take the subway everywhere. And those people will vote for anybody.


Copyright © 2014, Los Angeles Times
Comments
Loading