LGBTQ rights: The unfinished work of the 21st century

By Robin Abcarian

Feb. 17, 2014 4:32 PM PT

LAS VEGAS -- It’s easy to be lulled by a sense that gay and transgender rights are at some sort of tipping point.

It’s true that state and federal courts have been striking down marriage bans, and that California has a new law allowing transgender students to use the bathrooms and play on the sports teams of their chosen genders.

Two-time Olympic medalist Johnny Weir, covering ice skating at the Sochi Games for NBC, has become a sensation with his gender-bending wardrobe and makeup choices.

The NFL is on the verge of getting its first openly gay player.

On Friday, actress Ellen Page, 26, came out to an audience gathered here at a Human Rights Campaign “Time to Thrive” conference for educators, counselors and others who work with LBGTQ youth. And while some might have shrugged, her trembling voice and tears hinted at the years of anguish that preceded her decision to publicly acknowledge that she is gay.

You’d like to think that anti-gay laws in undeveloped countries like Uganda and Nigeria --and even in developed ones like Russia--are last gasps of bigotry that will eventually be snuffed out by the more progressive example being set by countries like ours.

But then you read about Kansas, whose lower house passed a blatantly unconstitutional measure last week that would legalize discrimination against gays. Or you recall Constance McMillen, the Mississippi teenager whose school cancelled its 2010 prom rather than let her bring her girlfriend as her date. Or about Jeydon Loredo, the Texas transgender teenage boy whose school cited a violation of “community standards” when it initially refused to let him wear a tuxedo in his yearbook portrait last year. (The school reversed course after the Southern Poverty Law Center threatened a lawsuit on Jeydon’s behalf.)

And you realize that the struggle is far from over.

“You made tremendous progress on the legal, political and cultural front,” said Time to Thrive headliner Chelsea Clinton at Sunday’s closing session of the three-day conference. Calling LGBTQ rights “the unfinished work of the 21st century,” she added that “we should not mistake progress for success, because we have a lot more work to do.”

Every step forward is important.

And things that seem minor or silly to the dominant, heterosexual culture can mean the world to someone in the minority.

This is why Facebook’s decision last week to expand the gender categories for user profiles will come to be recognized as yet another watershed moment in the quest for equality.

The social media giant announced last week that users will no longer have to choose only between “male” and “female,” and will now be able to customize their gender, as well as their preferred gender pronoun. (To mark the occasion, I changed my gender from “female” to “cis female” which means my gender matches the sex I was assigned at birth.)

How expansive is the spectrum of gender identity?

Pretty expansive, explained Robin McHaelen, co-founder and executive director of Connecticut’s True Colors Inc., as she accepted an HRC award for her advocacy on behalf of LGBTQ youth.

“I do work I love with young people who are not just gay or straight,” she said, “but gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, two-spirit, same-gender loving, pan-sexual, flexual, not straight, not labeling, straight-ish, straight so far, straight with options, straight with ‘stuff happens,’ gender bending, bi-gender, pan-gender, a-gender, asexual and other-sexual. So many options, and there is a place for everyone.”

As the issue of respecting gender differences becomes more visible, you’ll be hearing more questions like the one I overheard Saturday at a session about the state-by-state campaign to outlaw “reparative therapy,” which purports to “help” gays go straight.

“If you don’t mind my asking, what is your PGP?” San Diego educator Heather Anderson asked workshop speaker Samuel Brinton, a 25-year-old MIT graduate student, inquiring about his “preferred gender pronoun.” (I’ll be writing about his experience with reparative therapy in an upcoming post.)

Brinton, in strappy, rhinestone-studded stilettos with slender black jeans and a purple dress shirt gave Anderson a huge smile.

“He and him,” replied Brinton. “For today. And thank you so much for asking.”