Playing politics
Card blanche
The Dick Cheney greeting card comes with a set of custom stickers bearing such messages as “Happy Birthday,” “[Expletive] off” and “A pretzel away from the presidency.” Other card-and-sticker kits feature such luminaries as Bill Clinton and George W. Bush ($3.50 each at www.evolvefish.com), or Al Gore, John McCain, Eleanor Roosevelt or Abraham Lincoln ($3.95 at www.philosophersguild .com).
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Portable nut case
Equipped with stainless steel thighs, the former first lady and presidential contender is ready to be sworn in as emasculator-in-chief. Introducing the Hillary Clinton Nutcracker, complete with music video on YouTube (no resemblance to Tchaikovsky’s “Nutcracker”). The gadget’s inventors say it “easily wins fights with Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures” and looks “kind of romantic” when moonlight glistens off its serrated metal legs. Available for $24.95 at www.HillaryNutcracker.com or www.prankplace.com. Add $5 and get a bag of official Hillary walnuts.
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Blue Christmas
Pour hot cocoa into this heat-activated mug and watch the red states magically turn blue. The microwave-safe cup ($11 at www.evolvefish.com) is ideal for Democrats dreaming of a blue-state Christmas. Republicans can fight back with an “I love red states” coffee cup ($15 at www.cafepress.com/iheartshop). Or they can just fill the Democrat mug with a chilled martini.
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Larry Craig get-some-action figure
The Larry Craig doll doesn’t tap its feet, but it can speak. Press a button on the miniature Idaho senator and it plays a clip from Craig’s famous news conference: “Thank you all very much for coming out today. I will read a statement. Let me be clear -- I am not gay.” No word on what happens if the plastic action figure is left alone with G.I. Joe or Ken. Selling for $34.95 at www.herobuilders.com.
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Campaign couture
Wear your politics on your sleeve -- or on your fridge, fender or Fido -- with an assortment of campaign season clothing, magnets, bumper stickers and pet accessories. The selections include “I love wiretaps” T-shirts ($24 at www.rightwingstuff.com), “I only read the Constitution for the articles” magnets ($4 at www.cafepress.com), “If you agree with Al Gore, should you really be driving right now?” bumper stickers ($4 at www.veertotheright.com) and “I bite Republicans” dog apparel ($16 at www.cafepress.com).
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Cirque du ’08
“The Political Circus” coloring book transforms presidential hopefuls and TV pundits into carnival sideshow characters. Mitt Romney becomes the Amazing Two-Faced Candidate, Barack Obama morphs into the Strongman, John Edwards juggles hair-care products and Ann Coulter sprouts whiskers as the Bearded Lady. Break out the crayons and visit www.imagineeringstore.com to order the $7.50 book.