Drinking in the Rapture: Or what would Harold Camping quaff?
This article was originally on a blog post platform and may be missing photos, graphics or links. See About archive blog posts.
It’s impossible to ignore the chatter. For believers in the Doomsday prophecy of Harold Camping (a civil engineer who became a Biblical scholar), Saturday will be their last day on earth. They expect to ascend to heaven as part of the Rapture after a world-wide earthquake leaves nonbelievers on earth for five months more to battle earthquakes, floods, famine and war until the world finally implodes in October.
It’s dark stuff to be sure -- and if we live through it we’ll have to endure another round of hand-wringing when the Mayan calendar ‘ends’ in December 2012. So, with the world ending so much, isn’t it time we figured out how to give it a proper send-off?
And what better way to do that than to whip up a cocktail? So here’s what I’ll be doing tomorrow: Because I don’t believe in the end of the world, but I am superstitious and paranoid, I will call my parents around noon. Just to say hi. Then I’ll start drinking. If the world is going to end, I don’t have to worry about a hangover. Finally!
Below is the recipe for what I’m going to drink, likely while sitting on my patio crying to a Tammy Wynette album and thinking about the time I made my mom let me get baptized when I was 10 and then never, ever went back to church again.
I call this drink ‘Going Camping.’
4 hot tears
1 ounce holy water
3 ounces Ancient Age Bourbon
Float of Bacardi 151
Ice cracked out of frustration
Garnish with thorns from a rosebush
Directions: Think of the time that one cute guy you met at the Short Stop asked you for your number and how you forgot that you gave it to him so that when he finally wrote to you asking you out, you responded, ‘What’s your name again?’ And so he never wrote you back. Cry. Gather tears. Cry some more. Crack ice out of frustration. Put ice in highball glass. Add bourbon, holy water and tears. Top with a float of Bacardi 151. Light the float on fire. Garnish with thorns from a rosebush. Blow out flame. Drink quickly. Repeat.
Take two aspirin in the morning?
Dinner House M is closing in June. The hipster apocalypse is nigh.
El Pollo Loco is feeling the heat
Creepy man was videotaping women in the bathroom at Starbucks
-- Jessica Gelt