Top 10 requirements to be Charlie Sheen’s #TigerBloodIntern intern
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Charlie Sheen needs an intern because he’s a busy guy, even when he’s out of work.
He’s live-streaming, he’s calling in to radio shows, he’s doing interviews and he’s filing a $100-million lawsuit against Chuck Lorre and Warner Bros. On top of that, he’s juggling this whole crazy social media thing and probably can’t handle overnight mega-popularity on Twitter on his own, so he needs all the help he can get. The former ‘Two and a Half Men’ star even partnered with internships.com to find a ‘winning’ candidate.
‘I’m looking to hire a #winning INTERN with #TigerBlood,’ he tweeted (earning a five-figure paycheck too, for what Ad.ly told the Wall Street Journal was its most costly sponsored celebrity tweet to date).
So those who are brandishing resumes packed with Ivy League schools and highly coveted work experience, there are a few slightly unorthodox skills they should consider including in their resumes (besides social media skills and deciphering his ramblings). Without further ado ...
The Top 10 requirements for Charlie Sheen’s intern
10. Must be willing to babysit the boss’s children, 24-year-old goddess girlfriends and likely the boss.
9. Must have clean-up crew on speed dial, though the boss likes to polish off the drugs he’s started himself, see quote: ‘I was banging seven-gram rocks, and finishing them, because that’s how I roll.’ However, he’s not so great at cleaning up when it comes to trashing hotels with porn stars.
8. Must be able to take verbal abuse, including but not limited to words such as ‘silly,’ ‘troll,’ ‘slag pit of redundancy’ and possibly anti-Semitic tirades.
7. Must promise to collect any vehicles that have been driven off a cliff, especially if the boss would like to ‘ride the mercury surfboard’ off said literal and figurative cliffs.
6. Must also know how to work troll-made electronics that include features like speakerphone or Web cameras.
5. Must have instant access to T-shirt-printing companies and facilities that would be willing to manufacture golden sombreros. Hey ,the boss has to generate an income somehow.
4. Must have some military experience, specifically dealing with F-18s, torpedoes and bayonets. Must know the meaning of, ‘We are at war. Defeat is not an option.’
3. Must not be allergic to felines, specifically tigers, as that is the type of blood the boss has pumping through his veins.
2. Must not be afraid of loud noises or constant use of the onomatopoeic word ‘boom.’
1. Must have a working knowledge of the legal system and possible psychological training. Public relations expertise also welcome.
If you think you have these qualities, contact @charliesheen because you are, duh, winning!
-- Nardine Saad