Opinion: Airline Security, Israeli Division

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If you’re going to Israel from L.A., as I did last week, then there’s a pretty good chance you’re going to fly on El Al. (It’s also the only airline that flies nonstop from LAX to Tel Aviv.) And if you’re going to fly on El Al, there’s a pretty good chance you’re going to be interrogated. You may also witness a marriage proposal, a shouting match or two and a fair amount of pushing.

I have nothing against being interrogated; I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was taken out of line at LAX and questioned for a good 45 minutes, long enough that I actually began to believe I might be dangerous. The questions were as incisive as they were random: Had I ever been to Israel? (No.) Did I have any friends or relatives there? (No.) Did I speak any Hebrew? (Nada.) Where was I staying? Did I have a reservation? (Yes; he looked it over and said, “That’s a pretty good rate.”) We then engaged in a Socratic dialogue about the purpose of my visit and, by extension, the purpose of newspapers in general, the L.A. Times in particular and, most specifically, the editorial page and its deputy editor. I learned a lot.

I eventually made it onto the plane, after a few more rounds of less intensive questioning, where I sat in a middle seat for more than 12 hours. As we were entering our descent, the captain made an important announcement: 49A had accepted an engagement ring from 49B. Mazel tov! The cabin erupted in applause.

As we landed, it broke out again. The woman next to me looked over. “Have you ever been to Israel?” she said. (And I thought I had already answered all these questions…) When I said no, she explained that everyone always claps upon landing. Then it’s every passenger for himself. “First the clapping, then the pushing,” she said. “Welcome to Israel.”