‘American Idol’: Girls night out

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It may seem premature to announce this after just one round of performances, but nonetheless it is absolutely, beyond any possible glimmer of a doubt clear that the next American Idol will be female.

Tuesday was the shakiest start in modern memory by the boys; so weak it had me conjuring Doomsday scenarios for the entire franchise. So woeful were the dudes that just hours after rival network head Jeff Zucker called Idol the “most impactful show in the history of television” I lay awake wondering if the show was being set up for a massive fall triggered by one season’s all-dud line-up.

But then the ladies stepped forward and reminded us what Idol is about – that beyond all the freak show auditions and judges backstage drama, the show still produces these moments when an little nobody from nowhere steps forward and sings with the power of the gods and suddenly the Earth stops. Nothing remotely like that occurred on boys night but it happened at least three times on girls night. The Universe as we know it will survive.

One alarming note however. There is the misapprehension infecting many of the contestants, but particularly several of the girls – the name Haley Scarnato springs to mind – that cockiness and insane, not-yet-remotely-justified-self-confidence can carry you through this competition. Apparently many of this year’s semi-finalists have never watched an episode of American Idol before or they’d know that the “I know I am the next American Idol” attitude is an amusing shtick for the crazy auditionees, and even the novelty contestants who might make it as far as the Top 7.

But when America chooses who will represent us we demand humility before all else. You didn’t hear Hicks or Underwood bragging that “No one was going to stop me” or “I’m here to win.”

Hell no. They bashfully stared down at their feet and mumbled about how it was just so much fun to be here and what a great experience its all been and they just can’t believe how supportive everyone has been. And that’s how our champion behaves.

That said, on the Howard Stern show last week, Joan Rivers said Carrie Underwood has the biggest attitude of any star she has to deal with on the red carpet. Go figure.

--Richard Rushfield