From Sue’s quips to showstopping numbers, ShowTracker lists ‘Glee’ highlights

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With tonight being the fall finale of “Glee,” we thought it was only appropriate to start the day with some of our highlights of the season. From Sue’s crazy antics, to the showstopping numbers that made us all rewind our DVRs and rush to download the week’s songs on iTunes, here’s a look back.

… And That’s How Sue Cs It

Count on Sue to make you feel worse than you already did about being inferior to her. She makes no apologies for her crass statements. And we’re not asking. There is just no way to do Sue’s crazy antics any justice without highlighting her best zingers. There are usually a handful every time she graces the screen. Here are 10 of our favorites.

10. ‘This is what we call a total disaster, ladies. I’m going to have to ask you to smell your armpits. ... That’s the smell of failure. And it’s stinking up my office!’ (Episode 3, “Acafellas”)

9. “Every time I try to destroy that club, it comes back stronger than some sexually ambiguous horror movie villain.” (Episode 6, ‘Vitamin D’)

8. “When I heard Sandy wanted to write himself into a scene as Queen Cleopatra, I was aroused. And then furious.” (Episode 5, ‘The Rhodes Not Taken’)

7. “If I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren’t going to be admiring her impeccable form. They’re going to be wondering if the centrifugal force is going to make the baby’s head start crowning.” (Episode 9, “Wheels”)

6. ‘You’re too busy chasing tail and loading your hair with enormous amounts of product. Today, it just looks like you put lard in it.’ (Episode 12, “Mattress”)

5. “I’ll often yell at homeless people, ‘Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Try not being homeless for once.’” (Episode 4, “Preggers”)

4. ‘Let me be the one to break the silence. That was the most offensive thing I have seen in 20 years of teaching and that includes an elementary school production of ‘Hair.’' (Episode 2, “Showmance”)

3. I’ll need to see that set list for sectionals after all, and I want it on my desk, warm from the laminator at 5 p.m. And if it is one minute late, I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat, and then, on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face.’ (Episode 8, “Mash-Up”)


2. “I like minorities so much, I’m thinking of moving to California to become one.” (Episode 7, “Throwdown”)

1. ‘You think this is hard? Try being waterboarded, that’s hard!’ (Episode 1, “Pilot”)

Match Made in...

Regardless of your thoughts on who has the perfect “showmance” on the show, there’s no question folks either love or hate the pairings on the show. Here are a few that left us scratching our heads.

Mercedes and Kurt

Only one thing good came out of this confusing and awkward pairing: Mercedes’ (Amber Riley) instant diva performance of Jazmine Sullivan’s sleeper hit, “Bust Your Windows.” While they both love great fashion, singing songs by showstopping divas and hating on Rachel, Kurt ultimately “friend zoned” Mercedes by letting her in on a secret that even a diva such as her didn’t know. Even if Kurt wasn’t gay, there is zero chemistry between the two.

Ken and Emma
This goes without saying. Ken? Emma? Together? No, thanks.

Finn and Quinn
OK, we get it. It’s high school. The cheerleader and the jock. It’s always a match made in heaven. But Finn is incredibly unconvincing as the typical jock -- other than being dimwitted. The hot bad boy jock (Puck, duh) is supposed to be with the star cheerleader while the dorky guy on the team still gets a cheerleader. Cue Brittany or Santana.

Earlier in the season, Denise Martin gave a progress report of the top 10 performances. With another handful of episodes still left, there came more rousing numbers that had us all clapping, singing and dancing in our living rooms. While it was tough, here are the top five performances, and that’s how we C it.

5. “It’s My Life/Confessions”

OK, the boys were hopped up a bit on “vitamins’... but who cares? They completely blew the girls out of the water with their mash-up of Usher’s cheating anthem and classic Bon Jovi.

4. “I Wanna Sex You Up”

From the glows of the groovy shadow boxes behind the Acafellas, Schuester’s (Matthew Morrison’s) seductive blue-eyed soul and Puck’s more-than-suggestive dancing to this version of Color Me Badd’s signature tune was enough to make the Sue hot and bothered.

3. “Somebody to Love”

Call me a nerd, but this take on Queen’s “Somebody to Love” sends chills down my spine just thinking about it. Any theatre geek, or for that matter functional human being, can confirm that this performance is sheer perfection. From Rachel’s powerhouse vocals to Artie’s harmonies, this is one performance that stands on its own.

2. “Bust Your Windows”
When Mercedes sings, the girl SANGS! With her diva swagger in high gear and some smoking hot dance moves, she made everyone take notice. Forget the bevy of scantily clad Cheerios in the background; it was all about Mercedes.

1. “Don’t Stop Believin’”

There was something magical about the first offering from the kids. While Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” has the unfortunate life of being demolished every Friday and Saturday night by college students waiting for their turn to play beer pong, this was the moment that sold us on the show -- enough to wait months for the official premiere. Three minutes, and a face full of tears later, mission accomplished.

-- Gerrick Kennedy (Follow me on Twitter @GerrickKennedy)

Photo credits: Fox


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