‘Dancing With the Stars’ results recap: Ciao bella

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Well, the European partnership dissolved in an apathy of votes, as it was revealed that Italian model and actress Elisabetta Canalis and Val Chmerkovskiy were the second couple eliminated in Season 13’s competition.

Oh Elisabetta, we hardly knew ye. And what we did know always seemed to be in relation to whomever she was linked with. First, it was George Clooney. Then it was the prickly relationship with dance pro Val. It’s abundantly clear that there was no love lost in their (now-severed) partnership, even though Val valiantly bared all (aside from his bow tie) to wait on Elisabetta hand and foot by the kiddie pool during the ‘Cribs’ segment. Perhaps the American audience sensed the tension between these two European powerhouses and gave their votes to more hopeful couples, despite judges’ scores that landed her firmly in the middle of the pack this week. I can’t say I’m that sad to see them go — her stilted rapport with Val was frosty at best, seemed to bubble up from a wellspring of hate, and was incredibly uncomfortable to watch. Ah, well. At least she left the expanse of the ginormous ballroom with her pretty face and that pretty frock with a high score of 21 under her belt.

It was a results show that offered very little in surprises, as Elisabetta and Val were left to stew in jeopardy alongside low-scorers David Arquette (who was too busy looking at partner Kym Johnson’s chest to properly perform his jive) and Chaz Bono and Lacey Schwimmer.

The hour kicked off with a raucous, testosterone-filled dance routine courtesy of the “DWTS” pro guys set to Lenny Kravitz’s “Are you Gonna Go My Way” and choreographed by Val Chmerkovskiy. Carrie Ann was the object of their affection, lucky minx. Luckily for us, host Tom Bergeron also said the group was available for bachelorette parties. Now we’re talking!


Hey ya! Ricki and Derek’s infectiously fun jive was introduced by Mr. Scrunchyface himself, Len Goodman, as the encore performance of the night.

The show took a clue from the year 2002 for a “DWTS Cribs” segment, in which the stars and some pros offered a tour of the rehearsal space, kitchen, tanning area and the costume department. Look! That’s where Tony infamously slammed down his mic pack and quit on Kate Gosselin! Look! That’s where Hines Ward dropped Kym on her head! Look! Ralph Macchio’s old banana! Jennifer Grey’s First Aid Kit! Who wants a dose of Liquid Swag? Best line goes to Carson Kressley, who held up a bedazzled yellow vest from wardrobe and said: “This would be great if I was a gay crossing guard.”

Dmitry Chaplin and Chelsie Hightower are back! Didn’t know how much I missed them until I saw his bare chest and her hairography for the romantic dance routine accompanying Dublin band the Script’s “For the First Time.” Loved how they looked at each other longingly and twirled with abandon.

There was a segment about the reality of elimination weighing heavily on the reality TV stars. Kristin Cavallari brought out her best ‘Laguna Beach'/'The Hills’ accent when talking about how she “wasn’t really that nervous,” while Rob Kardashian said he’s planning maybe to not go out every night to focus on the competition. But the award for best anecdote went to Ricki Lake, who revealed she gave birth to her kid on her own in the bathtub as a measure of her enormous drive. “I guess we’ll be keeping bathtubs off the set,” Tom responded.

We had the debut of the Macy’s Stars of Dance performance -- a modern take on the old Hollywood style of dance of Busby Berkeley choreographed by Margueritte Derricks that involved a bunch of leggy ladies making pretty forms on the floor and a red-clad vixen skulking her way like she owned the stage. And feathers. Huge, huge feathers! Red swan had her sexy vixen face throughout the whole performance, not even cracking a Macy’s Stars of Dance smile at the end.

Demi Lovato returned to the ballroom to perform her hit single “Skyscraper” from her latest album “Unbroken,” and the wind machines were blasted at full force at a particularly dramatic refrain. More impressive, however, was the accompanying contemporary routine personifying the idea of ascension with assorted ladders and scaffolding, choreographed by Wade Robson (and methinks I espied “So You Think You Can Dance” alum Robert Roldan in the barricades).

Maybe the production crew could use that wind machine to blow out the bad air emanated from the eliminated couple and start this competition fresh next week.

What did you think? Was the right star voted off? Would you want the “DWTS” guys performing at your next bachelorette party? Sound off below.

-- Allyssa Lee


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Lacey Schwimmer and Chaz Bono. Credit: Adam Taylor / ABC