It used to be easier with only three TV channels

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In my long-ago youth, watching televised sports on a busy Saturday was easy. There was one game on at a time and maybe something good on ABC’s Wide World of Sports. But if there was, you’d probably miss the football game because no one wanted to keep getting up to change the channel.

On this rare Saturday where I have no game assignments and my (also sportswriter) husband is off to cover USC at Arizona, the TV and, more importantly, the remote are all mine.

And this is exhausting.

Click onto UCLA at California on ABC. Kevin Craft throws an interception and rather than watch the tortured UCLA coach and former Bruins quarterback Rick Neuheisel try not to go Woody Hayes on his own quarterback, I can switch to the Universal Sports HD Network and watch live figure skating. Right now it’s the ice dancing original dance competition and it’s coming without any commentary. Kind of cool.

But there’s a break at the ice dancing. What was the deal with the boxy, 1940s costumes worn by Canadian dancers Alli Hann-McCurdy and Michael Coreno? I mean, I get the 1940s part because the music was mostly ‘Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy,’ but the cut Coreno’s armyish jacket and Hann-McCurdy’s faux waitress-diner dress made them look like a square pair, and by that I really mean square.

So click again and Georgia is beating LSU, 24-17, but after a couple of minutes all I’ve seen are bad passes and no first downs.

I could click to ESPN2 and watch Michigan State at Michigan, but why?

An aside: Every time, on the ABC/ESPN games, when they cut from the game to go to Matt Winer in the studio, it always sounds like ‘Matt Leinart.’

But there’s also the Breeders’ Cup on ESPN, and it almost doesn’t matter what race is taking place because Santa Anita couldn’t look more beautiful. The sport has alternately captivated and horrified me over the last few years, but I don’t want to miss Curlin, so that means regular clicking.

Wasn’t sure what game was on Versus. It’s Columbia-Dartmouth, and so that’s where Buddy Teevens is. He’s head coach (again) at Dartmouth. But it’s raining at Columbia and that slows things down. Much more uplifting to check back on the UCLA-Cal game. Another commercial.

But the figure skating is back on. Now a U.S. couple is up (Emily Samuelson and Evan Bates) and, what the heck, Bates is wearing a Navy sailor suit and Samuelson has her hair done in a heavily hairsprayed 1940s bob. Apparently World War II nostalgia is big in the ice dancing world this year. I understand the theme of the year is the rhythm of the 1920s, 1930s and 1940s, but is it all military?

What I can’t seem to find are any of the Big 12 football games. I’d like to because it seems impossible that anyone in the Big 12 plays actual defense. I know everyone in the Pac 10 (except UCLA) scores upwards of 60 on Washington State but that doesn’t really count. No one nationally thinks Washington State is anything but awful.

But Oklahoma put up 58 on Kansas State, and Kansas State scored 35. The third quarter’s just started and Texas leads Oklahoma State, 28-14; Texas Tech beat Kansas, 63-21, and Kansas was ranked. Heck, with all the worshipping of the Big 12, Kansas might be ranked next week, too. But 63 points? Does the Big 12 play defense? Anybody?

Back to UCLA-Cal. Another commercial.

This is stressful.

And still to come is Penn State-Ohio State, USC-Arizona, the ladies’ short program and men’s long program, live. And the World Series. Notre Dame at Washington, Alabama at Tennessee, and can’t miss Curlin. I need a nap.

UCLA’s offense is back on the field. I feel a nap coming on. Or I could click again.

-- Diane Pucin