Lisa Guerrero: An open letter to Playboy
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Dear Playboy,
Just thought I’d drop you a quick note to make a suggestion about something that was recently brought to my attention. Allow me to explain.
Yesterday I got home from a ‘vacation’ in Northern California that included dealing with A) My dentist, B) Sacramento Kings fans giddy with their victory over the Lakers and C) My mother-in-law. That having been said, she makes a mean twice-baked potato.
To be fair, I’m every mother-in-law’s worst nightmare: A smart-alecky daughter-in-law who’s a liberal Democrat who hates to cook and doesn’t want children.
But I digress.
Upon my return, I checked the messages on my website and discovered dozens of e-mails from sports fans congratulating me on making your yearly ‘Sexiest Sportscasters’ poll. Again. Seeing as how I never win, I’m starting to feel like I’m always the bridesmaid, never the bride, but thanks nevertheless. Maybe you should start a ‘Seniors Division’?
Along those lines, how about a ‘Sexiest Sportscasters’ Hall of Fame? Naturally, the first two inductees should be Phyllis George and Jayne Kennedy.
Sexy sportscasting is, of course, a young gal’s game. Those twenty-somethings are not as, um, gravity challenged as we forty-somethings. In these difficult economic times, think of the money you would save on air-brushing by featuring one of these young’uns, like the lovely and talented Erin Andrews.
When one requires reading glasses to fill out the centerfold questionaire, it’s really time to throw in the towel -- and cover up with a robe.
Certainly, I have enjoyed my moment in the sun with Playboy, so it’s high time to hand off the ‘Sexy’ baton. But if you insist on including me, a 44-year-old former sportscaster, may I propose adding another equally deserving candidate? She too is a 44-year-old former sportscaster, and I’m sure she’d be thrilled with this honor.
Sarah Palin.
The pin-up girl for Joe Sixpacks and plumbers everywhere recently lost an election, so this second chance at stumping for votes could very well be the pick-me-up she needs.
And she’s hot!
Sarah’s still being dogged by those pesky reports of even more money than we originally thought being spent on her wardrobe. In Playboy you need no wardrobe at all. Problem solved.
As a goodwill gesture in this holiday season, I would be willing to give up my place
in your poll to make room for my favorite politician ever. Readers of my blog in The Fabulous Forum know that she’s kinda like my muse.
From ‘November Ticket’ to a little ditty I wrote on Rally Monkeys that made heads explode at the National Review, she has been my favorite subject, so I was sorry to see her shown the door so abruptly.
Winning Playboy’s Sexiest Sportscaster of the Year will return her to the spotlight that she so obviously deserves.
If it’s too late for you to make the switch, I’ll encourage the readers of the Fabulous Forum to begin a write-in campaign for ‘Sexy Sportscaster Sarah.’
Please pass along my best to Hef.
Warm regards,
Lisa Guerrero
Lisa Guerrero has covered Super Bowls, the NBA Finals and the World Series, along with the Oscars, Emmys and Grammys. As an actress, she has appeared on ‘Frasier’ and ‘The George Lopez Show’ and as Billy Baldwin’s long-suffering wife in the film ‘A Plumm Summer,’ which she executive-produced.
Photo (top): Then Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin waves after speaking at a rally at the Silver Spurs Arena, in Kissimmee, Fla. Credit: Joe Burbank / Associated Press
Photo (inset): Lisa Guerrero