Comment: Surviving your parents’ murder-suicide
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‘I let all that go.’
The June killing of Venice bank employee Noelia Vasquez (right) by her boyfriend, who then killed himself, has generated many comments. Many readers addressed their remarks to the couple’s 13-year-old son, who came home to find both parents dead.
Among them is a reader who describes surviving his own father’s attempted murder-suicide. The reader was a child not much older than Vasquez’s son when his father tried to kill his mother, leaving her comatose. The father then killed himself. ‘I just want you to know that it is hard,’ this surviving son tells the boy, ‘but if I would have stopped living after what my dad did...I would have never lived to become who I am.’ Below, an excerpt:
‘i thought of killing myself after it happened. i though that since i was like my dad, i would end up just like him. it really messed me up, but i saw for myself that i had a life to live. that no matter what, i was still my fathers son and my mothers son and the best part of having them was learning how they were, good and bad. i hated walking around thinking people were saying ‘o his dad tried to kill his mom’, but after a while i let all that go. all the negativity, all the bad thoughts, i let that go. i chose good. now you must choose good. i miss my dad, it feels bad every day, but for all the ‘bad’ he left me with i have good. i will be good in order to show that not everything my father was, was bad. just to prove that i can get thru this. its hard, and it hurts and even know i feel like crying, im a grown man. but if i would have stopped living after my dad did what he did, i would have never lived to become who i am.’
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a murderer is murderer. al pan pan, y al agua agua. yes we do not know what happens behind closed doors, but we do know who shot who. this is sad. why did he have to do this. or why couldnt he just kill himself. my father did, it messed me up, not a day goes by that i wish it were different. i was just starting 9th grade and problems existed between my folks(that i didnt know about then) but as much as it eats me up inside to say this, im glad he didnt kill my mom(she survived in a coma for months and then was wheel chair bound). i would rather he be here with me to share in what i have become, but its not like that. i have forgiven him, tho i sometimes hate what he did and go back into unforgiving him, but i know that had my mom died it would be more unforgiveness than forgiveness. it would have been harder to heal. my father did what he did, i fogrive him and i miss him. life happens the way it does. eddie, i dont know you, but i just want you to know that it is hard. i thought of killing myself after it happened. i though that since i was like my dad, i would end up just like him. it really messed me up, but i saw for myself that i had a life to live. that no matter what, i was still my fathers son and my mothers son and the best part of having them was learning how they were, good and bad. i hated walking around thinking people were saying ‘o his dad tried to kill his mom’, but after a while i let all that go. all the negativity, all the bad thoughts, i let that go. i chose good. now you must choose good. i miss my dad, it feels bad every day, but for all the ‘bad’ he left me with i have good. i will be good in order to show that not everything my father was, was bad. just to prove that i can get thru this. its hard, and it hurts and even know i feel like crying, im a grown man. but if i would have stopped living after my dad did what he did, i would have never lived to become who i am. its hard with a disabled parent, what he did to my mom has been hard, but i went to school, played sports, was mad that he wasnt there with me, but i knew he was watching. i went to college, a lil less mad that he wasnt there at my graduation, but i knew he was watching. and when my son was born i really felt he came back to me and for the first time i felt true genuine forgiveness. you need to see this for yourself. life is hard, but it will be good. you will be good. it will take time, maybe my whole lifetime, but it will be better. you will hate, but you must learn to forgive, i did. i have my family to thank. both families must learn to forgive, but not disregard the facts. there was one gun, one killer and many lives hurt. i had to understand the facts of life and that helped me with my healing. my dad was a murderer, and he was a sucide. thats what happened. i fogive him for that. we are not all perfect. lets please look at the reality of this and understand it as such. if someone would have told me that my father was good i would not have believed them. i needed to see the bad in order to see the good. he did something bad, that messed up my family, but i fogive him... before my son was born i asked my mom what i should name him...we both agreed on my fathers name. she passed soon after and now i wait for a daughter to give her my moms name. i miss them both and i will always feel the pain, but i have my life and so do you. suerte y valor