Opinion: Stocks rise; Obama orders nation to eat, dress the same today: Leno

This article was originally on a blog post platform and may be missing photos, graphics or links. See About archive blog posts.

During his ‘Tonight Show’ monologue Tuesday night, NBC’s Jay Leno commented on the day’s sudden but welcome stock market rise of 379 points after a startling, long-lasting plunge of some 2,000 points since Democrat Barack Obama’s election about a year ago on Nov. 4.

The president has publicly advised his countrymen not to pay much attention to the stock market’s disturbing fluctuations as years of their savings and investments evaporate with the ongoing financial uncertainties while Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner learns English.

Obama has likened the plummeting stock market to political tracking polls, which vary by the day, and which, he suggested, shouldn’t be taken too seriously.

Analogy Alert: But then some people got to thinking, why would every presidential campaign pay so much for these daily polls if they were not going to watch them daily?

Anyway, according to Leno, the new president really had no explanation for the recent financial changes to be scared of, or for the partial financial recovery of millions of 401(k)'s on Tuesday.

But looking forward, Leno announced that Obama doesn’t want to take any chances today. So he’s ‘asking all Americans to do the same things [Wednesday] as they did [Tuesday] -- eat the same breakfast, wear the same clothes, drive the same. Don’t change anything!’

So, if you’re just getting dressed and reading this, take heed. And if you’ve already left for work, better go home and change right away. Your retirement could depend on it.


-- Andrew Malcolm

Speaking of executive orders, click here now to register for Twitter alerts on each new Ticket item.