Is ‘Two-Date Sue’ Too Old-Fashioned?
Question: I’m getting a reputation as two-date Sue. Since my divorce two years ago I have dated a lot of men but rarely more than once or twice. The reason seems to be my belief that sex should be very special and shared only with a spouse. Is that belief so terribly old-fashioned that it turns today’s men off? I would think that a man would be delighted to find a wife who hasn’t slept all over town, especially in today’s permissive society. Am I wrong or are they?
Answer: Not all men are into casual sex. If your dating experience has been limited to two dates because you choose to reserve sex for marriage, I can only suggest that perhaps you are having the conversation about your feelings prematurely. If you are stating your case before it becomes necessary, you could be telegraphing the message that you are not even interested in getting to know a man better, only in preserving your virtue. Time enough to have the conversation when the relationship has progressed to mutual interest and he brings the subject up.
Q: Divorce is degrading, humiliating, demoralizing and in many cases senseless. After 25 years of marriage, I am alone and very lonely. Even though I have many friends, they can’t replace male companionship and family life. Property settlements are rarely fair, because so many assets can be concealed by the spouse who thinks he earned them all. My son and daughter, both in their 20s, are working for their father and living with him in the big house. I guess it’s natural for them to want to be where the money is. At my age, late 50s, I have no marketable skills; he has his own business, so he can replenish his pile easily. This hurts me a lot, as I feel I have conducted myself in an exemplary way. I am considered attractive and fashionable, with a good figure. Going from couplehood to singlehood has been difficult. How can I find quality companionship and/or put some fun in my life? It appears most men are interested in younger women.
A: Divorce can certainly be all of the above, but it needn’t be the end. It is not too late to begin applying all you’ve learned. Make an appointment with a job counselor (look in the Yellow Pages) and find out what areas of work are best suited to your interests and abilities. You’ll find that you do have marketable skills that you are not recognizing. As you become more life-oriented and less self-oriented, your social life will pick up. Remember to reach out and make plans. An active social life is like a career--it requires work and nurturing. Active, involved people attract others. Not all men are interested strictly in younger women--get out there and find out for yourself.
Send your questions for possible use in Living With Divorce to Virginia Doody Klein, P.O. Box 16290, St. Louis, Mo. 63105.