Big Brothers Face Money Crunch and Screening Problems

Were it not for his big brother, said Jesse Miller, “I wouldn’t have gone to the seventh grade. I would have stayed in sixth grade, and I would have been a rotten kid.

“He cared for me so I said to myself, ‘Someone cares for me and I’m going to show him what I can do,’ so I did it.”

Jesse, 12, who lives with his mother and 9-year-old brother in North Hollywood, was talking about 51-year-old Sgt. Don Goldberg, who supervises the Burbank Police Department’s vice and narcotics bureau.

Miller and Goldberg became brothers a about year ago, after both of them applied to Big Brothers of Greater Los Angeles, an organization dedicated to establishing meaningful friendships among men and boys.

The cop and the kid were lucky. A lot of boys who want big brothers can’t get them because the big brothers agency is in a financial crunch.

Three years ago it helped establish 263 little brother-big brother relationships. The next year the number dropped to 256, and last year it plummeted to 146.

In addition to the financial woes that are besetting many nonprofit groups these days, Big Brothers’ problems are compounded by the need for increasingly rigorous and costly screening of applicants as a direct result of recent public revelations about child molestation and abuse.

Most applicants to become big brothers drop out or are eliminated along the way, as the organization performs a detailed background study, which includes an FBI fingerprint check.

Goldberg counts himself among the fortunate because he is one of the 146 chosen in 1984.

Although the policeman’s son and two daughters lived with his ex-wife after his divorce 15 years ago, Goldberg waited until his children were adults before applying to be a big brother. Then he applied because, “I felt I had something to offer a young man who needed some supervision and companionship.”

Moreover, Goldberg said, it’s fun to be a big brother, it keeps him young, and gives him insight into today’s youth. And one other thing: “I would say to some degree (my) divorce was a traumatic experience in my life and the children suffered as a result, and I felt perhaps I could reach back in time and give a young man something my children didn’t get because of the consequences of my divorce.”

Jesse’s mother, Sandy Miller, believes the relationship between the police sergeant and her son has made Jesse more confident, independent and decisive, and has helped him improve his grades. “He’s just a lot happier. His attitude is better. He’s blooming. I think it’s wonderful,” said the 33-year-old bookkeeper.

“That’s a delightfully typical case,” said Craig McNey, 38, when he heard about Miller’s and Goldberg’s friendship.

Through the Ranks

McNey is president of Norwal, Inc., a Canoga Park building subcontracting company. When he was 9, McNey’s parents were divorced, when he was 11 he became the little brother of Paul Reimer, then president of Norwal, a position assumed by McNey this year after working his way up through the company beginning at age 12, with time out for three years in the Marine Corps.

As well as running his company, McNey is executive vice president of Big Brothers of Greater Los Angeles, so he’s a man with a background that qualifies him to comment on the Goldberg-Miller friendship.

“You have a young boy really needing some focus in his life, and some expression of interest on the part of an adult,” McNey said. “It isn’t important to have Superman for a big brother or someone who’s perfect. You just need someone who cares.

“Not having a father in a home leads to a very unsettling feeling of lack of worth, of insecurity, of uncertainty in a boy. I know because I had all those feelings myself.

“If my big brother had not been available to ask questions, to spend time with, I think I probably would not have gone to college. I might well not have finished high school. I guess I might have worked in a print shop, where my mom worked. In my circumstance most of what I can claim as personal success I owe to the big brother relationship.”

Large Age Range

Big brothers range in age from 18 to 75, about half are married, most have no children. Boys become little brothers when they are from 6 through 12 years old. Big brother-little brother relationships average about two years, though some last a lifetime.

Officials at Big Brothers of Greater Los Angeles emphasize that little brothers are not abnormally troubled or delinquent children. They are youngsters in need of male role models. Big brothers are urged not to play psychologist or parent, rescuer or guardian angel.

“The big brother’s role is to act as a friend, pure and simple. It’s to share experiences with a little brother, and to show him what happens in the daily life of an adult male,” said Richard S. Kline, 37, a public relations executive and president of Big Brothers of Greater Los Angeles. Kline has a little brother, his fifth in the last 13 years.

“The big brother’s role is not to serve as an entertainment chairman,” Kline continued. “It’s to share in experiences that can include activities like washing a car, going shopping, playing ball, learning about the big brother’s work, and attending an occasional event or a special adventure like Magic Mountain or Disnelyand. But the important element is just being there for the little brother to talk to and to learn from.”

Both Sides Win

Big brothers gain from their friendships, too. “At first it’s always you being there for them,” said Adrian Salzer, 42, who manages an orthodontic dental lab and has had four little brothers. “Then, somewhere along the line it changes. When they become men, it really becomes a brother relationship. That may be a lot of my motivation, too. I was raised with two sisters . . . all that time I really wanted a brother. So I’m sure that a big part of my motivation in having a little brother was to establish that relationship.”

Men give lots of reasons for wanting little brothers, but “underneath, they’re all the same basic reason: Men have a need to validate their existence,” said Mark L. Wild, 49, a former probation officer who today is director of services for Big Brothers of Greater Los Angeles.

Wild seems obviously and genuinely saddened by his organization’s inability to establish more big brother-little brother friendships. The problem stems from a combination of changing times and insufficient money.

Dollars don’t go as far as they did just a year or two ago, regular donors are not increasing their antes to keep up with inflation, and money is becoming much harder to come by for nonprofit organizations like Big Brothers. Among the biggest cost increases is the tab for screening potential big brothers, a procedure which, in the past year, has gotten more and more involved, investigative and expensive.

“I would estimate our screening costs have gone up 25% in the past year while most of our other expenses have gone up only between 4% and 8%.” Wild said.

So, even though income has increased annually for the last three years, it hasn’t kept up with costs, and Big Brothers has had to close three satellite offices and cut the number of its social worker/area coordinators to four from the equivalent of 6 1/2. Consequently, social worker case loads have rocketed to 125 from 80 per worker.

Tighter Screening

All this comes at time when screening of Big Brother applicants has become more complex than ever.

Besides undergoing an FBI fingerprint check and having their names sifted through the state Department of Motor Vehicles computer, applicants must provide references from their doctor, employer, therapist, wife or ex-wife or girlfriend and three personal acquaintances. Persons named as references are quizzed about the applicant’s patience, reliability, emotions, and morality. The man’s doctor will be asked about his patient’s “sex adjustment.”

To be a big brother, one must submit copies of military service records and meet for two or three hours with a social worker who will consider such factors as appearance, attitudes, feelings, motivation, stability, education, training, responsibility, relationships with parents and siblings, fondest memories, worst memories, marital history, masculinity, social relationships, sexual experiences and preferences, medical, psychiatric and criminal history, hobbies, firmness of handshake and whether or not an applicant “ ‘lights up’ when talking about kids.”

Then, assuming the applicant is still under consideration, all he has to do pass muster before an 11-person screening committee that includes business executives, a psychologist, a policemen, youth club officials, a social worker, a psychiatrist and a public defender.

“Big Brothers of Greater Los Angeles has taken steps in recent years to examine the prospective big brothers more closely,” said Det. Ralph Bennett, head of the Los Angeles Police Department’s sexually exploited child unit and a member of the Big Brothers’ screening committee.

“Children who seek out big brothers are particularly vulnerable, or they wouldn’t be seeking out big brothers. They wouldn’t have this need,” the detective said. “Big Brothers has to screen very carefully and . . . they certainly do a more thorough job than any other youth organization that I’ve seen.”

Of every 100 men who inquire about becoming a big brother, only 12 or 13 end up in the program. Roughly three-fourths of the applicants drop out of their own accord, and about an eighth are rejected.

There always are many more little brothers out there looking for friendship than there are big brothers to fill the need.

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