Archer Almost Put the Doctor in Shock

Golfer George Archer, currently playing in the Kemper Open, told Thomas Boswell of the Washington Post about an all-day operation in 1979 to fuse two discs in his back.

“They really rebuilt my whole lower back,” Archer said. “They ‘bout cut me in half.”

The next morning, the doctor awakened Archer by shaking his big toe.

“Did you feel that?” the surgeon asked.

“Feel what?” Archer muttered.

The doctor was stunned--almost going into shock.

“He went white as a sheet,” Archer said. “Then I said, ‘Hey, just kiddin’, Doc.’ I thought it was a good time to kid a guy.”

Did it get a laugh?

“No,” Archer said. “Guess he didn’t think it was funny. He never came back to my room again. But, when I got the bill, he’d charged me for 11 visits.”

Trivia Time: In 1972-73, K.C. Jones was the head coach of San Diego in the American Basketball Assn. What was the team’s nickname? Who succeeded Jones as coach in 1973-74? What did the nickname change to in 1975-76? (Answers below.)

An Omen?: While the Boston Celtics were getting ready for Game 3 at the Forum, down the block at Hollywood Park, the winner in the third race was Celtic Warrior.

After his two home runs Saturday against the Detroit Tigers, Ruppert Jones of the Angels was asked if he was especially motivated because he was facing the club he helped win the World Series last year.

“I’m up for everybody I play,” Jones said. “I’ve got a lot of ex-teams.”

Add Jones: Although Detroit has lost four of its last six games, he says: “A lot of teams would like to have the Tigers’ record right now. It’s a long season, man. They’ve got a great team over there. They can rise to the occasion.”

Said Lance Parrish of the Tigers, after Morganna (The Kissing Bandit) Roberts ran out on the field and kissed him: “She’s a little older than I thought.”

No, Parrish wasn’t worried what his wife thought.

“What I’m really concerned about,” he said, “is that they say after she kissed Fred Lynn he went 3 for 40.”

American League umpires Rich Garcia, Rick Reed and Tim McClellan will participate in the first of a two-part sandwich-making contest with National League rivals Tuesday at the famed Stage Deli in New York.

The National League umpires will be tested at a future date.

Said a Stage Deli spokesman: “The umpires will be judged on deli smarts, speed, imagination, texture and practicality. Anyone who puts mayonnaise on a pastrami sandwich will be automatically disqualified and sentenced to a gondola cruise on Brooklyn’s Gowanus Canal.”

Trivia Answers: Conquistadors. Wilt Chamberlain. Sails.

Quotebook

University of Illinois football Coach Mike White, on 6-5, 324-pound offensive lineman Arael Doolittle, a transfer from Cisco (Tex.) Junior College: “I hope he makes a contribution. We’re paying enough to feed him.”