She Brought Colds to Newcastle

--The birthday greetings for Mary Armstrong’s 100th birthday on Tuesday included a telegram from Queen Elizabeth II and a card from President Reagan. But what she wants most, she says, is to escape the foul weather of Britain’s northeast coast and return to sunny Los Angeles. This is strange only because of the lengths she took to get home to her native England in the first place. She had lived in the United States for 65 years and became a citizen. But last year she decided she wanted to return home for her final years. She even enlisted the help of the queen to obtain Home Office permission to reside permanently in a town near Newcastle. Soon after she settled in, the incessant rain began. “I just can’t stand the British weather--coming here was a big mistake,” she said. “As soon as I can get fixed up with a little apartment in Los Angeles, I will be on my way. My late husband and daughter are buried over there, and that is where I want to die too,” she said.

--The rain is bothering others in the island nation as well. Workers at the Crest Hotel in Cardiff, Wales, abandoning all hope of summer weather after weeks of rain, have put up their Christmas tree. The 30-foot tree stands on a rain-swept balcony. “This year the weather has been so bad, we thought it would cheer people up a bit,” Assistant Manager Paul Finch said. “We plan to decorate the tree with lights--as soon as it stops pouring with rain.”

--Kathy Slycord is delighted when people say she sounds just like a chicken. “I started doing chicken calls to liven up dead parties,” the Des Moines genetic researcher said. “You can’t believe the doors this has opened for me.” To prove her talents, Slycord clucked her way to a fifth blue ribbon in the Iowa State Fair chicken-calling championship. “She really does sound like a chicken,” said Hilda Mercer, who took third place.

--Prince Willem Alexander, eldest son of Queen Beatrix and heir to the Dutch throne, has joined the Royal Dutch Navy for an 18-month stint, a spokesman for the royal house says. The 18-year-old crown prince, the first heir to the House of Orange throne to be in the military in 115 years, will get a base pay of $386 a month. He also receives a yearly royal allowance of $289,000.

--”It fills a function in an enjoyable way,” says Dr. Ruth Westheimer of her new board game called “Dr. Ruth’s Game of Good Sex.” It is based on the radio and television call-in shows featuring the 57-year-old sex therapist, who looks and sounds more like a favorite aunt than someone who gives sex advice. “If it (the game) can replace one night of TV watching, it might be very nice for interaction,” she said. The game is recommended for players 21 and older.