Bland on the Run Is Latest Group to Bore Anaheim

Down in the bowels of Anaheim Stadium, in the dressing quarters of the undefeated Rams, a juicy controversy was brewing.

The Rams had just defeated the Minnesota Vikings, 13-10, but it wasn’t pretty. The Ram offense had reminded a lot of people of the Angel offense. A lot of singles, no homers, a lot of bleeding.

Say fellows, anyone down here care to criticize Coach John Robinson’s offensive game plan, which consisted mainly of Eric Dickerson running into walls?

How about you, Eric Dickerson?

“I think we were just too vanilla,” Dickerson said.

Vanilla?

“We would line up in certain sets, they knew we were gonna run to that side, and they were gonna stuff it.”

You mean the offense was too bland, too predictable?

“That’s what vanilla is,” Dickerson said.

The Ram offense was, with apologies to Paul McCartney, a bland on the run.

For Dickerson, the vanilla offense turned into a rocky road. He picked up 55 measly yards on 25 carries. That’s not even a decent quarter for Eric Dickerson.

“We should throw a little bit more,” Dickerson continued. “We tried to force the run. We tried to run when there was no place to run. We’ve gotta throw the ball more.”

How about you, Dieter Brock? What’s your opinion of the old game plan?

“We won the game and I’m happy about that,” Brock said. “But there are times when we could probably open it up a little. . . . We’ll have to throw more, open it up and make them respect our passing attack earlier.

“I hope we don’t get into any kind of rut like they had last year, running the football against any kind of defense. We’ve gotta get a little more balance in our offense. That’s the way I feel about it.”

This is where an enterprising sportswriter runs over to the head coach, tells the coach his stars are complaining about the game plan, and stands back while the coach explodes and says something like:

“Brock said what ? The hot-shot refugee from the Igloo All-Stars is telling me how to coach? And Dickerson? Has he ended his holdout yet? Hey, if those idiots want to coach, tell ‘em to grow stomachs and gray hair.”

The problem you run into here as an enterprising sportswriter is that it’s hard to get a juicy controversy brewing on a 5-0 ballclub. Especially when that 5-0 ballclub is coached by a coach who hasn’t yet nominated himself for the Human Being Hall of Fame.

“I do what Dieter tells me to do,” John Robinson said, jovially, when Brock’s critique was passed along.

“I agree with Dieter. I think we gotta open up and throw the ball more. We’ve said all along, let’s don’t play like a defensive team. We might have to win a ballgame 35-30 somewhere along the line.

“It doesn’t come down to just one thing. We’re just getting a little conservative.”

In the first half, Brock threw 13 passes, most of them dinks and dumps, while Dickerson ran 15 times, mostly clunks and thunks. On 4th-and-26, Robinson had Dickerson run a draw play.

The score at halftime was Ramz-z-z-z 6, Vikingz-z-z zero.

The Ram offense came to life in the second half with one touchdown.

“I think everyone (the fans) walked out of here clearly worried that the offense isn’t doing what it’s supposed to do,” Robinson conceded.

If so, Robinson has the fans right where he wants them. During the week, Robinson’s theme was that this undefeated Ram team is not so much an emerging juggernaut, a team of destiny, but rather is a scrappy bunch of fellows playing their buns off just to get by.

If the Rams had crunched the Vikings by three or four touchdowns, Robinson would have had to admit he was sandbagging, that he really might be sitting on a dynasty, or at least a truly hot team. By winning ugly once again, the Rams preserved the image that they are a spirited group of overachievers.

“I’ll tell them when to get hot,” Robinson said with a wink.

The funny thing is, he probably will. Most coaches, faced with a potential controversy and a sizeable group of second-guessers, including his own stars, would hunker down in the bunker and do a me-against-the-world Rambo number.

Robinson deals more in reality. My offense isn’t working too good. Maybe I should make some changes.

It really is too early to panic, of course. As Dickerson pointed out, “Our offense started off slow last year. I’m not worried about it. If you start off slow, you get stronger at the end.”

Dickerson, one of the 35 or so best runners in the league based on current stats, isn’t worried. So what if he has a broken hand and a tender hamstring and got leg-whipped during Sunday’s game?

The season is young. Besides, Eric did get a small measure of revenge on the Viking defense. On a run late in the first half, Dickerson was met by Viking tackle Doug Martin in a ferocious, crunching, head-on collision, resulting in a one-yard gain.

Dickerson jumped up and sauntered back to the huddle. Martin took a 5-minute break to stare at the turf and ponder the philosophical question: Why can’t equipment manufacturers make a better protective cup?

Robinson, meanwhile, will go back to the old freezer and try to balance out that vanilla offense with a little fudge ripple or tutti frutti.

It won’t be easy for Robinson, a running kind of a guy who for years stuffed vanilla down the throats of opponents at USC. But it’s either change or face a full-scale mutiny, and that would really be ugly.