It’s No Mirage, USC Says Aloha to a Bowl Game

USC?

To a bowl?

The University of Southern California?

You sure they don’t mean some other USC?

Like the University of South Carolina?

Or the University of Southern Colorado?

Or the University of San Clemente?

Maybe the invitations got mixed up in the mail.

Or maybe this is another prank by those little rascals from Caltech.

Or maybe somebody is inviting the USC football players to bowl . You know--like in an alley, with pins.

Do you actually mean to say that regardless of what Those Terrifying Ts, Ted Tollner’s Trojans, do against the spectacularly ordinary Oregon Ducks in their next scheduled game, they will play in the Aloha Bowl against Alabama?

With a record of 6-5?

Well, this is what happens when you have a Rose Bowl, Orange Bowl, Cotton Bowl, Sugar Bowl, Fiesta Bowl, Cherry Bowl, Citrus Bowl, California Bowl, Freedom Bowl, Peach Bowl, Liberty Bowl, Gator Bowl, Bluebonnet Bowl, Holiday Bowl, All-American Bowl, Independence Bowl, Sun Bowl and Aloha Bowl.

When you have 18 major bowl games, you have to have 36 major football teams.

With certain schools on NCAA probation and certain schools stuck with losing records and certain schools too ashamed to accept a bid to a bowl game (not many of these), the search for 36 worthy football teams becomes as intensive as a manhunt for a guy on the FBI’s 10 Most Wanted list.

Which means the poor old Aloha Bowl cannot afford to be picky.

It needs a couple of football teams. NCAA by-laws specifically declare that if a bowl game is going to be held, it absolutely must include a couple of football teams.

So, it’s simple:

USC can go to a bowl.

All it has to do is go from Los Angeles to Tokyo to beat a team from Oregon to qualify for a game in Hawaii against a team from Alabama.

The Trojans and Ducks are going to get together Friday at something called the Mirage Bowl in Japan.

The Mirage Bowl is not really a bowl. A regular bowl waits until the season is almost over before deciding who deserves to be in it. The Mirage Bowl decides before the season begins who is going to be in the bowl.

If they wanted to, the Mirage Bowl officials could invite a barber college and the American School of Motorcycle Repair to Tokyo, and those schools could say they had been to a bowl.

The Mirage Bowl, as it turned out, should have been the only bowl to send an invitation to the University of Southern California football team this season. A couple of weeks ago, USC people were losing to Cal and wondering where friendly Coach Tollner would be working next year.

All it took was one good day against UCLA to make USC one of the successful 36. All of a sudden, the Trojans are going to go skipping across the Pacific, to the Orient and then to the tropics, for back-to-back “bowl” appearances.

But what would have happened if USC hadn’t beaten UCLA? Who would have gone to the Aloha Bowl?

The Big Ten still has four teams not busy--Wisconsin, Purdue, Indiana and Northwestern. Maybe one of them could have gone. And Gerry Faust isn’t going to be doing anything. Notre Dame itself would never accept a bid, but maybe Gerry Faust could go over and play Alabama himself.

USC! In a bowl game!

Well, what the heck. The Trojans seem like a nice bunch of guys. They try really hard. They go to class. They pet that white horse a lot and feed it sugar.

A little holiday fun never hurt anybody. Thanksgiving in Japan and Christmas in Hawaii. Sounds great. Maybe pick up a Valentine’s Day date in Tahiti on the side.

If Washington can go to a bowl game (Freedom) with a 6-5 record, USC ought to be entitled to go to one.

If Minnesota and Clemson can go to a bowl game (Independence) with 6-5 records, anybody ought to be able to go to one.

In fact, if UCLA can play 11 games and win eight of them and still go to the Granddaddy of ‘Em All, the least the Trojans ought to be able to do is go to some little old Aloha Bowl.

Maybe we are even short-changing USC. Maybe the Trojans belong in an even better bowl.

We don’t really want to see Tennessee in the Sugar Bowl, do we? No! Of course we don’t! Tennessee tied UCLA. USC beat ‘em! Ask Tennessee to volunteer to leave the Sugar Bowl. If they don’t go quietly, we will have to kick them out.

We might as well alter that Rose Bowl, too. Here we are, stuck with once-beaten Iowa vs. twice-beaten, once-tied UCLA, when we could be having a battle of the unbeatens, Fresno State vs. Bowling Green.

On a good day, USC could probably beat either one of them.